You're spot on about not being able to believe all the crazy stuff you did - ME TOO! It's as if it was a different person - the times I tried to wake up and do something about it and then before I knew it another backslide and back to square one. W has carried resentment and anger about this around for years. Early years with S were worse - of course I was the guy who was being pushed out at that stage, never got a look in with S, couldn't do anything right and that sent my self esteem down and drinking up. At that stage, I felt pretty worthless and the only positives I could see were work - where I invested my energies, and drinking cos work was so damn hard! None of it makes any sense whatsoever!!!
For me, its been best simply to avoid all the triggers - but this has a negative impact cos W thinks now that I'm an alcoholic who isn't drinking. This leaves me between a rock and a hard place - its been tempting to go for the social drinking again to prove her wrong but I have held firm on not going to my old haunts, not doing stuff that I would have done and GettingAL. In fact, avoiding places has been pretty easy. I've decided I've wated enough time and money in those places for a lifetime and now I relish the clear-headed wake-ups and long weekends!
Exercise and physical stuff has def been the way forward for me. Also, clearly separating work and leisure has been positive - before I would work at home so much, which would lead to resentment, and I'd think, hell, I'll have a beer then if I'm going to be stuck here on my PC working.
I hadn't realised how work had invaded my life and consequently how destructive it had become.
I think your W, like mine hopefully, is waiting to see how the changes pan out - they may be waiting to see how long you and I last before sliding back into the bottle, but so long as you can buy yourself time to prove that isn't going to be the case then there's hope. The thing is, you've got to genuinely find activities to replace the drinking. Ones that take time, with people and routines have suited me best.
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
