perhaps I am not getting the tone well enough but I hear you saying a couple of contradictory things. On the one hand you say that he wishes the sex life was different and on the other hand you say that you don't find him attractive and have no desire to have sex with him.
He wishes things were different really means "I wish you didn't put so much emphasis on sex in our M." He's just not into sex that much. He's not completely against it or anything, but he cruised through our separation without much a problem at all. He went about a year without it. Never had any desire to get it. He told me flat out. I think that is strange. I was climbing the walls 4 or 5 months into our separation and decided enough of this BS. Found a perfect guy to meet that need at that time in my life. The sex was incredible. I guess I needed to prove to myself that it was not ME completely. That I was sexy and sexual, still, after being in a sex-starved R for so long with H.
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how can a man who has less drive than you (and probably feels less of a man because of it) possibly work on fixing things when he senses that he is not desired and is unattractive? I mean, I am much more highly driven than my wife and I will stop in the middle of sex if I get the feeling that it is just "duty" sex devoid of desire. How can he possibly be the sexually assertive and confident man that you want under these conditions? In my world I can rationalize that my wife doesn't desire me because she doesn't desire anybody. Your H must have thoughts of "she desires others but I am simply not good enough".
Those are all valid points. And I cannot argue against them, other than to say my H was the one to say he was not sexually attracted to me first. He did that right after the separation when I attempted to woo him back with my feminine charms. He turned his head and couldn't even bare to kiss me. Do you understand how humiliating that was for me? I don't know how some of you guys do it. As a woman, I cannot be happy with or sexually attracted to someone who shows no attraction in return. A R has to go both ways, especially a M. So it's a vicious circle of hurt and disinterest on both our parts. We just can't break out of that. Boy have we tried. So I'm not blaming him. I am just as guilty here. It is what it is.
