Hey, just journaling, I guess. It seems to me that my H has been way too nice to me lately. I really mean nice. He is talking about the future with the two of us together, and giving me really tight hugs, and it scares me. It's like the closer he seems to be coming, the more I seem to be getting afraid of it. It's like I have thought since the beginning of this that we would have a future apart, and now that it seems more possible that our future is together, I am afraid to trust that it is true. I suppose this is normal. I'm really afraid of screwing this up, too. I'm trying not to say the wrong things, but I am trying to speak my mind, too. And occasionally, I will mention our situation, or he will. I still don't mention ow, and never say her name. I figure if he wants to say something about her, then I will comment, but not until then.
I will say, it is nice to enjoy being around him again, and our S says that, too. I hope the Christmas holidays will be okay, too. For us, and for everyone here.
Hey, jak, thanks for stopping by. Hope things are going better for you, I know you'll be glad when your H starts to feel more connected to you. I honestly don't know how in the world you could help that along, but it seems there must be something.
This morning, I went with H to the dr. On the way home we were talking about where we go on vacation at the beach every summer, and he said he would like for us to go there one winter and stay awhile. Now that surprised me that he will bring things up like that that he wants us to do in the future. He is talking more to me about things he had quit talking about years ago.
What's so silly and annoying is that the ow's name seems to be everywhere, even more than it was a few months ago. Like on the amazing race, there are two women named that, today, I turned on an old movie, and guess what? someone there named that. Our S is always cutting his eyes over at me whenever (and it is way too often) that name is said on tv. I told him that apparently like the ow, the name is as common as doodoo. Well, time to go and pick up S from school. See yall later.
Hey, jak, yeah, it sucks hearing the name everywhere, especially like you if it is the name of your own sister, too. We were at a family reunion this summer, and H's cousin came up to introduce us to his new girlfriend, and GUESS WHAT HER NAME IS? And the real crazy thing is that his first wife's name was MY name!! Same last name, too. And the ow in my case has the same last name as my maiden name. It would be horrible if we were somehow related. How yucky would THAT be?
HEY, JAK send me an email with the ow's name in it, and I will send you one back with the ow's name in my sitch. Then let's see if we begin hearing THOSE names more or if it's just all in our minds!! Honestly, sometimes, I think God is testing me, to see if I completely break from hearing it all the time. So far, though, I am not breaking, although I do have less hair than I once did, from pulling it out whenever there is a prolonged mention of THAT NAME.
Husband is getting kinder to me, too, less going nuts on me, so that's good.
Hi L hope you can remember me its inpain!! Sorry I haven't been on for an absolute age I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. Just wondered how things are going with you and your H, I see you're still together and you say he's getting kinder. I have some fantastic news at my end....I'm expecting our second child in March!!! It is exactly a year tomorrow that DH said he wanted to come home and try again. Who would have believed I'd be having a baby a year later!? I really hope things are going as well for you. x
HEY!!!!!!!! Of course I remember you!!! I have only been checking whenever I get on here for an update from you!!! And that is the BEST news EVER!!! I am so happy for you and your DH. That is just so wonderful, that I got a little choked up when I read it. I just wish I could send a little giftie for the wee one coming next year. As for me and MY DH, we seem to be getting along even better, and I usually let him be the boss of all like he wants. He has his moments, but this week I got two ILY's first, so that is progress. I cannot yet say our D is busted, I wouldn't want to jinx it, but it does seem to be going in a more positive direction, with him speaking more of our future. I think he MAY have weaned himself off the ow, I hope, as I haven't really suspected anything in a while. I know I have been toying around with the idea of my going back to work, and now I feel more comfortable with doing that after Christmas sometime.
My gosh, I am glad to finally hear from you again, IP, and I hope to hear more soon, and I hope you, your DH, and your son have a Blessed and wonderful Christmas. xxx L
You sounds so good. Im gald for you and your H and Family. I do need to e-mail you I just have not been on the computer much. When H is home he hates it if im on I think he thinks im talking to a guy.
We have had so much going on with his parents latley that i feel we are both to stressed and wonder how we will make it through this.
I'll try to get to my e-mail tonight or tomorrow as H is working but i am shopping tonight so probobly tomorrow.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Hey, jak, I know what you mean, I try to stay off the computer when H is around, too. He may not think I am up to anything, but still...
Are his parents getting worse? My H's parents are doing a whole lot better, FIL is actually out driving less than four months after open heart surgery.
Is there anything y'all can do to stop the pressure from being so much on the two of you?
I am doing so much better for the most part, but still have my moments, as I am sure I will for some time to come, especially since the time he had planned to leave isn't until 2010. I can't live in anticipation of that happening though, still, so I am trying to be the best I can be, and hope H sees that it is better for all of us if he and I make our future together. I also picked up the book, When a Mate Wants Out, and it is VERY helpful, and like the best of the books contains some elements of Michelle's books. It tells you to really use all the patience you can muster, and then some when dealing with this.
My H has also began asking alot of questions about religion, so I can't be sure where that is leading, I later ask our preacher how to answer some of the stuff he asks. But, there is no doubt in my H's mind where the decent and moral people stand with regard to marital infidelity.
Well, I have to go get some Christmas gifts and dessert fixings for our family party this weekend. So many gifts, so little money!!
H's dad they say probobly won't make it till Christmas and his Mom has dememtia we are pretty sure of even though she scored good on the little test they do in the office. Dr. even thinks so. SO now we have to make decisions about her too. Just so screwed up right now so poor H has a lot On his plate and im not sure how to react to anything.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
