Fooled again

[RedHeadWife]

Hey, sweetie. My H was having an EA when he dropped the D bomb as well. All during the D sitch, he blamed me for EVERYTHING. He had also cheated somewhat physically 3 other times and that was my fault too. I had *made* him "forego his integrity" b/c I wasn't giving him what he needed emotionally & physically at home.

Well, that's all bullsh!t & we know that. So, as far as your H saying that everything is your fault, I will give you this advice: I came to terms w/ what I knew I had & had not done in my M to bring us to where we were. I made the changes I could to make things better, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, I forgave myself for what I felt were my transgressions in the M and moved on. I knew that if I couldn't forgive myself, I couldn't live w/ myself no matter what happened -- whether we stayed together or got the D. It's not easy; it was constantly, *if only* I had done this or not done that, but you can't live like that.

I have to agree w/ everyone else. You truly don't want him to come home until he is really ready. And he will know when he's ready. What you can do from here on out is get on the big DB bus and ride. I know it sounds so cliche, but try, try, try to be happy with YOU again. That was so hard for me. After so many years of marriage & 3 kids, who the he!! was I anymore? I sometimes still don't know. But you need to find yourself again; that person you were before you got married. She's still in there somewhere and, once you can be happy w/ just you, that's when you will know you will be ok if he doesn't come back. That is when he will realize that he truly could lose you b/c maybe you don't want him back. That's when he will wake up.

Work on you and figuring out what makes you happy w/o him.