Well it's my Annivesary today and H had forgotton. He emailed me at work and asked what the card was for, i hadn't written HA inside, i assumed (obviously wrongly) that he would remember.
H is more concerned that I won't talk to him and he wants to know why. So grasping this opportunity I have composed this letter:
"Today is a special day and I wanted to acknowledge it in some way. We have two beautiful sons that are the result.
It is a really difficult week this week (well for me it is) with our Anniversary and you going away on what should be our annual family holiday, I’m really struggling this week to cope and I’m frightened of saying the wrong thing, so in some ways it’s easier to say nothing. You have no idea how painful it was to have to sort out the ski stuff for the boys.
Your email is an over reaction to me not wanting to talk to you but it does have some truth in it.
I want nothing more than to talk and be friends, but there has to be more distance in communication. At least for now, until I can come to terms with the separation. At the moment your constant emails, texts and phone calls are not helping me make the break – which I feel is necessary to enable me to cope. Can you please think twice before contacting me, although I want to hear from you, every contact from you is painful, I’m wearing myself out analyzing your messages. I would expect and appreciate communication about urgent matters, access to the boys and business matters, but daily or hourly updates is not appropriate any more and is not helping me deal with the separation. I need you to back off and give me space to deal with this and begin the healing process.
YOU have made YOUR choice, you have what YOU wanted. YOU have made it clear you don’t want anything else. You are giving me the wrong signals by constantly contacting me. You are not acting like a separated man and you are making things really difficult for me right now. Right now I want you to understand what I want.
I hope you can understand and take MY feelings into consideration. PLEASE don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not being nasty or vindictive I’m just trying to survive the best way I can without you".
PLEASE, PLEASE any comments before i send it. I'm not sure what his reaction will be, I hope to not do damage and destroy our friendship, or shall I not send it?
HELP
X Eve
P/A confirmed 5/03/08
03/08 H said affair over, I dont think it is, h still doesn't want marriage
T: 13 M: 8 D:20 & 17 from Previous M S: 8 & 4 BS: May 07 ILYBNILWY S: 13/10/07