Still hopeful for some pleasant surprises

[SirPrizeMe]

W and I are still in the middle of the exchange on how to share the expenses and income during the process of the divorce. So far the default plan is, I make all the income and she spends it all. Seriously. So I said, look, I need an apartment, which means we need to start sharing more equitably.

Yesterday she sent me a note full of worry that I would change my direct deposit, which would stop the mortgage payments, which would put us (her + kids) in trouble. She cautioned me against it strongly. I replied saying I had no intention of surprising her like that. But that we needed to get real with our finances. I proposed a plan to share housing expenses 50/50, and each of us would be individually responsible for personal expenses (haircuts, massages, manicures, clothes, dining out, etc). I asked her for her views on this plan.

Today she replied in email saying she is still "working out the numbers". with a "ps: the last manicure I got was from D5". I decided I could take that as a snotty, indignant reply, as if she was insulted by my suggestion that she might be getting manicures (or that spending money on a manicure was irresponsible). or... I could take it in fun. I decided to take it in fun. I replied back saying "oh yeah, I used to love those haircuts D5 gave me!" (She'd pretend, comb and cut and style my hair. I loved it.).

I don't know what it means that she is still working the numbers. Maybe she has to think about it. That seems positive. I'll wait. I'm cultivating patience in myself. Time is my ally.

We still have to figure out where we'll live; I had previously proposed that we get houses somewhere near each other so as to make school for the kids simpler. She liked that idea.

Called the house tonight a little late; W asked "are you calling to say goodnight to the kids?" We talked for a minute only, and only about the kids. 3 of the 4 kids were tucked in already. I talked with S12 a little, wished him a good night. Nothing more.

I'm going to read tonight.

I've been fantasizing about getting a guitar and some lessons for myself for Christmas (since I know no one else will get me a nice gift). Always wanted to learn to play.