Just need some support.

[MaxP]

I feel like I'm 35 and have to start everything all over again.

Max, I am really sorry to make your acquaintance under these circumstances. Tomorrow I turn 45 -- I am about 10 years older than you then and facing starting over. But it hurts no matter what age you are.

Do you have children? I did not gather you do. In a small way, that would be a real blessing -- it is so incredibly harder to detach when there are little ones involved. Please don't get me wrong, I would suffer a stroll through Hell itself to have the pleasure of being the father to my two sons, but I know that this ordeal would have been far easier to handle if it were not for the fact that we have two small children who have to experience this pain as well.

Blessings.

NoCodeBlues, I feel for anyone in this position, even partly the WAS. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is to have kids going through this, it is hard enough as is. We were almost in a position where we could have had a young baby and that does not bare (sp?) thinking about (we had been trying for about a year prior to the bomb).

The only downside to not having kids is that you can lose all contact. That makes detaching far easier but really, once your S leaves there is no reason for them to have anything to do with you any more. There is no avenue for demonstrating personal growth and change. It has felt as if my W has had all the control since the bomb. Since she left she has serverely limited contact. Perhaps this is easier to deal with in the long run, but I feel there has been no opportunity or attempt to save our R. That's what makes me so sad and angry, it's felt like she's never given us a chance since I've been aware of how bad things were.