Amy, I'm not one to talk. I wanted to stand but my ex shot my legs out from under me. In some ways I wish I had filed the minute he left. Who knows, it might have made a difference. Then again, I would wonder if I could have saved it....
You do what you have to do. You are in a low spot and one thing I have learned the last 2 years, the low spots don't have to last long. I do know that I long for the familiar and I am sure that is why I miss my ex more than anything. Starting something new is scary. Maybe one of the reasons we do stand is fear of new things. We want what we know.
I can't imagine going through this with kids. I am exhausted with just me and work, I can't imagine having to be "on" 24 hrs a day. I am not giving you a pep talk or anything else but I do have one question: How will divorce change your life? Will it make a difference financially? Will you say goodbye to Jeff and never see him again? Or will you want to remain friends with him and continue contact between the kids? Will you start dating? Will you move somewhere else?
My point, and I am sure you see it, is this. If a D isn't going to change things dramatically, then why initiate it now. Why not just make this into a real separation and try that first? Make a list of things you think will change with a D and see if you can do it in separation. D is expensive even if you aren't forced to go to trial like I was. It is time consuming, it is draining.
If you really are tired and want to cut ties, I get it. I remember having a dream that the trial was delayed and I woke up angry because I was ready for the D to be over. That said, I am dating and it is overwhelming. Life after D can be overwhelming.
"It is what it is." One of my friend's favorite sayings. He's right. The other one that helped me is," The only way through is through." You will get through this, you will still be you on the other side. You will wake up tomorrow, and the next day. Are you in a hurry?
