Yes, I hate to say it, but it looks like I am headed for a contentious D. I have already had a free first counsel with a lawyer. But I don't feel I got a lot out of it -- they let me do most of the talking and give them my story, but they're holding out for a retainer before giving me any useful legal advice. I suppose you get what you pay for, but I can't say that impresses me much.
A friend of mine in my DivorceCare group works for a law firm - she offered to talk to her employers about whether they might have an opening to at least talk to me about my options. I may have to take her up on that offer if it materializes.
Last evening, one of the things W asked me about was whether I still had a homework sheet for S6 -- I had forgotten to pack it when dropping the boys off Sunday evening. Well I picked up my dry cleaning tonight, which is just right around the corner from the house -- so I decided to drop off the homework sheet. While they did not seem overly surprised to see me, the boys got all excited and wound up -- they had each worked on birthday cards for me (tomorrow is my birthday) and they joyfully showed them to me.
I hugged them and said my goodbyes, thanking them for such wonderful handiwork on these cards. S3 started breaking down crying because I was leaving. I ran back to him to console him and remind him that, on an up-note, that tomorrow he would have the fun of going to Preschool. He brightened a little at that.
And so I was able to leave. (Yes, it still kills me to part from my family.)
I got home an hour later and noticed I had a voicemail on my cellphone. It was W. She started in on me, saying "If you have any love or regard for your children..." and then told me I needed to call first before showing up at the door. She insisted that my dropping by unannounced got them so wound up that S6 was having difficulty returning to his homework. She said giving me another night during the week would, as she put it, "terrorize" S6 and prevent him from being able to adjust to the breakup of the weekly structure he needs. (Umm, like the separation she has demanded wasn't responsible for his disruption in the first place?!) She said that originally she felt it was in our S's best interest to seriously limit their exposure to me, because I was so "dark" and negatively affecting them -- and that she just couldn't and cannot bear to ever be with me (same old rehash.) She trailed off the message almost sobbing, saying I have no idea what harm my presence has had on our S's...
First, W is most definitely projecting her angst with me onto our S's. I have a great and wonderful relationship with my two boys, and I can see the pain they suffer when one of us, their mother or their father, is departing, leaving them with the other parent. They know the family is not coming together, that Mommy and Daddy are continually going opposite directions. And that is what saddens them. As for S6, children often act out when their parents are not getting along or are moving apart, even when they don't fully understand why themselves. That's why S6 was being uncooperative with finishing his homework. But W would rather project the problem onto me.
Second, I am really tired of W continuing to make me out to be the most horrible monster that ever lived. I know I have faults and that I have sinned, but I have never harmed anyone deliberately or with malice. I don't hate anybody, and I lead a dull, clean life, but I am a workaholic who tends to gets too wrapped up in work. I don't tend to be the best manager of my time and efforts, and I can get lost in the weeds at times. I confess my depression and that I let it overpower my life and nearly ruin my family. But this demonization by w is over the top. If I am that horrible, and incapable of learning from my mistakes and growing, then I wouldn't want me to raise my S's either. But her hyperbole is so grating.
Third, she knows subconsciously the way to really hurt me now is to threaten what is left of my family: my 2 sons. She knows how that is the one thing I will defend, if nothing else.
