Well I guess I pissed everybody off now.... let me dig a deeper hole for myself.
I have been a father for nearly 15 years, and I have never missed a single extra-curricular event that my kids have been involved in. I have gone to all of 'em. However, I have gone to parent-teacher conferences by myself, and my wife has done the same. I have taken my kid to the doctor by myself. And my wife has done the same. I have taken my kid to urgent care by myself. And my wife has done the same. I have gone out of town with my kids without my spouse. And my wife has done the same.
I guess I am confused about why, by necessity, it is better for both parents to show up for a teacher conference, doctor appointment, or baseball practice. Help me understand that. The only contention I made was that, if the other parent is informed, it's OK (and sometimes better) if only one parent handles the situation.
To wit, for a number of years, my boys were very "mom-focused." They saw mom as the only person capable of comforting them. We successfully broke them of this feeling by my taking them to the doctor. They were (naturally) frightened. They turned for me for comfort. They learned that I was capable of providing them the comfort that they got from their mom. It worked for us.
Manuel, I have coached every single team that my kids have been involved in. All of 'em. And, in my old age, my recollection only goes back four years. And in those past four years, the only parents who didn't attend games have kids on the team who have siblings playing Division 1 (college) football, and the parents are out of town watching their games (do I think these parents should skip the some of the D1 games in favor of watching their other kid's pee-wee football game? You bet I do!!). Regardless, all of the others parents show up, both mom and dad.
And the only things that would keep me from watching an event where my kid is involved are another of my kid's events, serious illness, or unavoidable business travel. That's it.
Sally, you said, "helicopter parenting, at least in my book, doesn't include informing the other parent that you are off to the ER." You know, based on what I wrote, that I completely agree. A "helicopter parent" is one who, upon being informed of a minor challenge that the kid is facing, feels that it is absolutely necessary for them to intervene.
As I said, let the other parent know. However, the idea that the other parent's presence is critical and will necessarily always improve the situation is what I disagree with. As I have said many times, let the other parent know what's going on. If they are needed, they should go. If it's critical, they should (and will) go to be with their child.
And Manuel, the probability of my kids joining a gang is near zero. Drugs? Not likely for #1. The others are a bit young right now. It's not a concern of mine.
Please Manuel, I am not "blowing off" anybody. But the suggestion that a parent, by necessity, should be in attendance at every single visit to the urgent care, baseball practice, or teacher conference is, in my opinion, a bit extreme. Listen, a lot of us will end up as single parents. And we may as well get used to the fact that some of us are gonna be absent from a number of these events in our kids' lives.
