whell after a somewhat friggin awesome summer things seem to be stuck and gettinng worse. I initiated couples counceling a few months ago because we never seemed to be able to talk without fighting. I aslo required more intimacy. NOT just SEX, but intimacy. you know holding hands. snuggling, closeness and the sort. The sex is {was} great. there just seemed to be something missing. She's allways been this way I just never forced the issue as she was raped at a young age. Whell to tell the truth I would just drink when she rejected me. I'm 13 months sober now, and trying to put everything back better than it ever was. It's been a very hard year. Her affair. My alchoholizm. the divorce busting. all that crazy stuff. Whell this summer was awesome. real closeness. just snuggling on the couch, falling asleep in each others arms, all the good stuff. and yes an abundance of awesome sex. Whell Ever since I pushed her into counciling two months ago. she Clammed up. She sais All I'm here for is SEX. whell no, the sex is {was} great. It was the intimacy part I was longing for more of. But now there is no more sex. and even less intimacy. It feels forced and fake. the kisses are ho-hum. The ily's are mumbled. She says you cant snap your fingers and turn me into something I'm not. {Intimate snuggly type} She says I just make it worse bye pouting, and getting pissed off. Whell, I'm reeeeeally frustrated. I think bringing up the rape. and the past really hit a nerve and since I'm not drinking anymore, taking No for an answer is abit harder to swallow. Whats wrong with me i think? aren't you attracted to me? do you "REALLY" love me? She says it's not you, {ME} it's ME,{her} I just don't feel attractive. I don't Feel like "JUST" having sex for the sake of "doin'it' or cuddling. She was on prozac all summer and suddely she stopped it about two months ago. Whell today she's back on it, and I'm on welbutrin { at dr's advise} to keep My mood stable { no more alchohol to hide behind}. I tend to look for the negative in everything. I constantly snoop, Check phone records, every time the phone rings I think its OM. and Negativity breeds more nefativity. She can tell My insecurities and fear and that is just making everything worse. "you don't trust me", "I'm here aren't I" etc.. I'll admit I'm a bit impatient. I want results and I want them now. Hah....
Just seems like were backsliding, or stuck. It's very frustrating given the wonderfull summer we spent as a family and lovers again after years of missing it.
