I saw you're statement about "helicopter parents" and thought that sounds familiar. Here in Sweden they call them "curling parents" after the curling sport where you have someone to brush the way for the weight all the time to get the best glide. Pretty hilarious but it's a big problem and they keep warning about "over protective" and "over enabling" parents.
I have never heard the term helicopter parents ever. I know in our household if our children have to go to the hospital we are usually both there. Well, I should say with our daughters. It's usually me that does things mostly like tons of dental appointments, eye doctors, doctor visits, testing, etc. But if our daughters were ever that sick or had a big enough scare that they have to go the hospital they have always wanted us both there. We never thought anything of it but just supporting them. We also do as we please with the kid's. We can each make a decision if we are left to make it about any of their plans, or school just anything in general. The only thing we have ever agreed to inform each other of immediately is if one of them had to go to the hospital.
LOL I know the helicopter thing wasn't aimed at me. I have just never heard that term before. But we live in the south where familie's are just very close knit. You see lots of parents together with the kid's all the time.
helicopter parenting, at least in my book, doesn't include informing the other parent that you are off to the ER. Honestly, mark, I would want to know. I'm not saying I would rush over there, too, necessarily (depends on the situation), but I would want to know they were there. and I would absolutely call h, too.
I think what matters is that exes are on the same page with this. if you and your w agree, that's great. thankfully h and i are on the same page so far with things like this...hope we continue to be.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Sorry for being a "helicopter parent". BUT I would be PISSED if anything happened to ANYONE in my Family that they had to go to the emergency room and no one called me. I have slept in chairs in the hospital when a family member is there for their SUPPORT...
As For “Here in the States, there is an increasing number of parents who feel as if they need to constantly be involved in every aspect of their kids' lives. They are referred to as "helicopter parents,"
IF more parents were involved with their kids there wouldn’t bad a Drug / gang problem
If more parents were involved with their kids there would not be as bad of a gang/drug problem. I don’t know how many of my son’s baseball games I have gone to and 5 parents show up… A lot of parents nowadays think that the world is their baby sitters... Ask YOYO how many Parents come to back to school night? I think I heard you say something about coaching….. How many parents have you seen?
I am not saying YOU are this way Mark but that statement just hit me sooo wrong. But to blow off parents that take interest in every aspect of their kid’s lives is not right.
VENT vent VENT
Husband
Last edited by husband; 12/12/0702:23 AM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Wow husband you said the words for me. I didn't want to come across as taking something personal because chances are it wasn't aimed at me. But like I described my husband and I can do things alone. We can make choices alone if need be. He trusts me and I trust him. But we are both involved in the kid's lives. Very involved. We both go to open house, to all conferences, back to school nights. We have both volunteered, went to their games, etc. We know where they are every minute of the day. We talk and get to know parents before we let them stay somewhere. We help them with projects for school and with their homework. I feel like you if more parents were involved we wouldn't have gangs, drop outs, teen pregnancy, drug use, etc. So far I think we are doing pretty good we have a 17 year old daughter that says openly she is proud she is a virgin, is about to graduate with high honors, she doesn't drink, smoke or use drugs, she is respectful of us and is a great help around the house. She treats her elders with respect. When her friend's boast about going to parties and living it up. She will tell them my parents would never let me do that. Then she tells us you know what I really wouldn't want to.
That is s shame husband to see 5 parents show up. : (
Well I guess I pissed everybody off now.... let me dig a deeper hole for myself.
I have been a father for nearly 15 years, and I have never missed a single extra-curricular event that my kids have been involved in. I have gone to all of 'em. However, I have gone to parent-teacher conferences by myself, and my wife has done the same. I have taken my kid to the doctor by myself. And my wife has done the same. I have taken my kid to urgent care by myself. And my wife has done the same. I have gone out of town with my kids without my spouse. And my wife has done the same.
I guess I am confused about why, by necessity, it is better for both parents to show up for a teacher conference, doctor appointment, or baseball practice. Help me understand that. The only contention I made was that, if the other parent is informed, it's OK (and sometimes better) if only one parent handles the situation.
To wit, for a number of years, my boys were very "mom-focused." They saw mom as the only person capable of comforting them. We successfully broke them of this feeling by my taking them to the doctor. They were (naturally) frightened. They turned for me for comfort. They learned that I was capable of providing them the comfort that they got from their mom. It worked for us.
Manuel, I have coached every single team that my kids have been involved in. All of 'em. And, in my old age, my recollection only goes back four years. And in those past four years, the only parents who didn't attend games have kids on the team who have siblings playing Division 1 (college) football, and the parents are out of town watching their games (do I think these parents should skip the some of the D1 games in favor of watching their other kid's pee-wee football game? You bet I do!!). Regardless, all of the others parents show up, both mom and dad.
And the only things that would keep me from watching an event where my kid is involved are another of my kid's events, serious illness, or unavoidable business travel. That's it.
Sally, you said, "helicopter parenting, at least in my book, doesn't include informing the other parent that you are off to the ER." You know, based on what I wrote, that I completely agree. A "helicopter parent" is one who, upon being informed of a minor challenge that the kid is facing, feels that it is absolutely necessary for them to intervene.
As I said, let the other parent know. However, the idea that the other parent's presence is critical and will necessarily always improve the situation is what I disagree with. As I have said many times, let the other parent know what's going on. If they are needed, they should go. If it's critical, they should (and will) go to be with their child.
And Manuel, the probability of my kids joining a gang is near zero. Drugs? Not likely for #1. The others are a bit young right now. It's not a concern of mine.
Please Manuel, I am not "blowing off" anybody. But the suggestion that a parent, by necessity, should be in attendance at every single visit to the urgent care, baseball practice, or teacher conference is, in my opinion, a bit extreme. Listen, a lot of us will end up as single parents. And we may as well get used to the fact that some of us are gonna be absent from a number of these events in our kids' lives.
And... as a single dad, on the way to the emergency room, my message to her will be:
"Hey XXXXX fell off of their bike. It's nothing serious. Just a twisted elbow. We are headed to the urgent care near Wal Mart. I'll call you back and let you know how it goes."
I will always keep her informed. No secrets. I have had enough of those...
But the suggestion that a parent, by necessity, should be in attendance at every single visit to the urgent care, baseball practice, or teacher conference is, in my opinion, a bit extreme. Listen, a lot of us will end up as single parents. And we may as well get used to the fact that some of us are gonna be absent from a number of these events in our kids' lives.
I'm one of 'em who's gonna be missing out.
Mark, I just got back from helping my son with his home work. W was too busy throwing things around the kitchen to help. I was NOT referring any of this to you. From what I have read you are a very involved Father. As for the game attendance it may be a California thing. Everything you just wrote could have been boiled down to the above. I DO NOT THINK IT IS A NECECCITY. IT IS A PREFERANCE. I believe that I should give my wife EVERY opportunity to experience every detail in our son’s growth. Just Like I would expect to be given every opportunity. IF SHE chooses to not go that is her choice. She does not have to be there but it is her choice not to show. Just like I hope it is my choice to show up at every b-day if I chose. Even If W remarried... I may not get the choice but I will always let my W have the choice if she wants to attend. Don’t know if you know this Mark but this is not a new path for me. My first w turned out to be a drug addict. I did not know this until it was too late. She left one night and never came back. I raised two daughters as a single father. I still have the same Phone number from 30 years ago. Why? So the X can never say she could not contact the girls. Do you know how many times she called? 0 ZIP. One thing she can NEVER say. I prevented her form contacting OUR daughters.
Please Mark I know you have not been having a very good day. I am really sorry for you and your sitch. And I was not attacking you but the "helicopter parent" statement just hit me wrong. I am sure you have raised your kid’s right. It is not a necessity Just a preference to me.
Take care. Hope tomorrow is a better day for ya Manuel
now this is the last you will hear from me on this subject. I am not mad or hurt and I hope you are not eather it's just a "discussion" we had.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
And... as a single dad, on the way to the emergency room, my message to her will be:
"Hey XXXXX fell off of their bike. It's nothing serious. Just a twisted elbow. We are headed to the urgent care near Wal Mart. I'll call you back and let you know how it goes."
I will always keep her informed. No secrets. I have had enough of those...
see we agree, posted before I saw this.
hey Mark the sun will rise in the morning... ( I hope)
manuel
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Much as I'd like to get beyond this topic, I would like to share an event from my children's childhood. Granted this occurred in the 1990's before we all had cellphones and were never out of reach. I went out for a Sunday afternoon at the theatre and left the 3 children in my husband's care. That meant that they were all ignored while he laid on the bed and watched football. There was an accident and my daughter fell and broke her arm. She could not move the arm at all after the fall and was in a lot of pain. What did my husband do?.......He made all the children take naps until I got home. When I got home my daughter told me that her arm hurt and I took her to the emergency room.
I would have preferred to have a husband like Mark who would take care of a crisis himself, rather than a man who would simply wait for me to take care of it. No point in discussing it though. To this day, my husband would argue that he did the right thing by making all the children take naps.
