LFL, perhaps I am not getting the tone well enough but I hear you saying a couple of contradictory things. On the one hand you say that he wishes the sex life was different and on the other hand you say that you don't find him attractive and have no desire to have sex with him.

Ok, I am quite sure you have had all the same convos I've had with my W. I know you have done most if not all of the heavy lifting in your R. I am sure you have done this so much it makes you want to scream. I get it and I really am in your corner here.

That being said, how can a man who has less drive than you (and probably feels less of a man because of it) possibly work on fixing things when he senses that he is not desired and is unattractive? I mean, I am much more highly driven than my wife and I will stop in the middle of sex if I get the feeling that it is just "duty" sex devoid of desire. How can he possibly be the sexually assertive and confident man that you want under these conditions? In my world I can rationalize that my wife doesn't desire me because she doesn't desire anybody. Your H must have thoughts of "she desires others but I am simply not good enough". Hell, I'm not even sure I could perform with that thought running through my head.

Gone the carvings and those who left their mark.
Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.