GGG- What it means to me.

[MJontheMend]

Shows of vulnerability by me are avoided like the plague by him.

Then he isn't reading you as vulnerable. He is either reading you as weak and needy or hurt and threatening. Here's a perfect example of what I mean by "letting" a man play you bunny. IMO, IC is a very normal guy. This might be due to the fact that we grew up in the same region of the country. I seduced one of my first BFs by pretending like I liked Ted Nugent -lol. When he posted the following to me earlier, he was "playing me bunny" in a friendly, non-sexual fellow BB and Michigander way.

Mojo, I don't want to be too protective...but stay inside today if you can...I just winched 3 people out of the ditch on my way into town this morning. My little 20 minute ride into town for ice cream {I know, I'm just like a pregnant woman...gotta have it..NOW!} turned into a 2 1/2 hour trip ! Didn't really have the extra energy to help these people but yet I couldn't pass them by and feel right about myself.

Because he is a self-aware fellow who has been reading my cranky thread, he felt the need to "apologize" up front for acting St.Bernard (no need really -lol- I'm not that ruggedly independent. thanks for the weather warning :)). Clearly, if he were a man in whom I was sexually interested it would behoove me to reply with something like "Thank you so much! You winched three people just this morning? Wow, you are the man!" Then if he was actually in my physical presence, I could slide into monkey mode by getting a wee bit physical, like maybe playing with the zipper on his lumberjack jacket and saying something like " You must have a really big winch, huh, wanna show me sometime?"

*IMPORTANT NOTE: I do not consciously make plans to behave in this manner in real life and when I do the dialogue is not quite as lame as the above. Also, frequently my male partners are well aware of what I am up to and laugh at me but go ahead and f8ck me anyways.*


One reason why it was really tough for me to be "bunkey" in my marriage was that my 2bx so rarely signaled Alpha by playing me bunny. He was a sexy man but in a very 2/3 David Bowie meets 1/3 Opie way. We both wanted to be the monkey and he wanted me cow rather than bunny. In retrospect, the one thing I might have tried to do differently is that I might have metaphorically just stood there calmly WAITING for him to open the door for me more often. However, I do believe my poor little bunny might have froze to death out in the cold.

Anyways, my 2bx is very different than your H. Your H is Alpha but not Top/Wolf, so maybe you need to play him more monkey in a differentiated manner and then just WAIT and see if he can act a little Top/Wolf.

[SouthernGirl]

Sorry about the break-up, Mojo.

Re: polyamory, I have a friend who got out of a marriage to a p/a LD guy a few years ago who tried that. I think she was intoxicated by the freedom after finally getting rid of him. She was in a semi-LT open R, with both new BF and her having other partners. She ended up in love with new BF and had her heart broken when he moved on to greener pastures.

She's now doing her version of the cottage in the country, and back to serial monogamy.

[Lillieperl]

Strangely enough most people would see him as so clearly Alpha, leader etc... that they would think I don't get a say so in anything AND they would be absolutely shocked that I don't get any "throw her on the bed" sex.

karen, your H and my bf are cut from the same cloth. Our friends would be astonished if they knew that we never have sex. He is so masculing looking and acting...


Mojo, glad the "breakup" is going so smoothly. It was fun and educational while it lasted, and that's something.

[MJontheMend]

Sorry about the break-up, Mojo.

Frankly, I'm rather relieved. I'm certain that I will post more about it at some point in the future but, as LP indicated, it was educational and fun. No harm. No foul.

I was thinking as an alternative to becoming a polyamorist, I could just become very much empathetic to the male sexual tendency towards Chase/Catch/Release and thereby feel a little bit more in control of the whole serial monogamy thing. Obviously, I can delay the Chase from starting by simply not making myself attractive or signaling availability but that is kind of depressing. In theory, I can delay being Caught by exhibiting a little bit of self-control ( Nobody congratulated me on making it all the way to date #3 with GP before having sex. That is my lifetime record.) but how likely is that? And, anyways, I want to get laid so why would I want to not be Chased or Caught? Clearly, the Release is key. I figure if I simply s*ck all the sexual energy possible out of a man as quickly as I can that will maximize both my pleasure and the speed of Release. Then if I happen to encounter a man who keeps giving me maximum pleasure without feeling the need to Release that will be the one for me and we will live happily ever after.

[Imconfused0807]

Here's a perfect example of what I mean by "letting" a man play you bunny. IMO, IC is a very normal guy. This might be due to the fact that we grew up in the same region of the country.

Whoa!!! Did anybody else catch this? or am I reading this wrong..."very normal" See Miss IC...Mojo considers me to be a "very normal" sort of guy...not some whacked out of his mind lunatic like you make me out to be

I seduced one of my first BFs by pretending like I liked Ted Nugent -lol.

So that was YOU! When you left in the morning you said you would call me....still waiting for the phone to ring

ROTFLMAO...similar story..I once got lucky with a girl in my high school biology class by convincing her that I liked the band "Chicago" Yea right Poor girl, if she only knew That will probably be my punishment in hell...an eternity of listening to Peter Cetera sing "You're the meaning in my life, you're the inspiration" OH MY GAWD!!! What have I done????

Clearly, if he were a man in whom I was sexually interested it would behoove me to reply with something like "Thank you so much! You winched three people just this morning? Wow, you are the man!" Then if he was actually in my physical presence, I could slide into monkey mode by getting a wee bit physical, like maybe playing with the zipper on his lumberjack jacket and saying something like " You must have a really big winch, huh, wanna show me sometime?"

{as IC's legs begin to uncontrollably quiver like Thumper the Rabbit from Bambi} Mojo, do you care if Miss IC steals that last line from ya?

[Miss IC]

Clearly, if he were a man in whom I was sexually interested it would behoove me to reply with something like "Thank you so much! You winched three people just this morning? Wow, you are the man!" Then if he was actually in my physical presence, I could slide into monkey mode by getting a wee bit physical, like maybe playing with the zipper on his lumberjack jacket and saying something like " You must have a really big winch, huh, wanna show me sometime?"

{as IC's legs begin to uncontrollably quiver like Thumper the Rabbit from Bambi} Mojo, do you care if Miss IC steals that last line from ya?

I might, if only it were true Just kidding Honey, in fact...have your azz naked and in bed when I get home and we'll see what we can do about that big winch

Mojo, How's that for letting my monkey play? Or is that too much like lioness, stalking her naked and vulnerable prey

[MJontheMend]

Mojo, How's that for letting my monkey play? Or is that too much like lioness, stalking her naked and vulnerable prey

I would say that you definitely kicked it up to lioness but sometimes the only way to tell the difference between the lioness and the monkey is knowing how you want things to end up when the jungle fight is over. Are you imagining IC lying on the bed in an exhausted quivering heap or are you imagining yourself having trouble walking tomorrow?

[Miss IC]

Mojo, How's that for letting my monkey play? Or is that too much like lioness, stalking her naked and vulnerable prey

I would say that you definitely kicked it up to lioness but sometimes the only way to tell the difference between the lioness and the monkey is knowing how you want things to end up when the jungle fight is over. Are you imagining IC lying on the bed in an exhausted quivering heap or are you imagining yourself having trouble walking tomorrow?

LOL. Well, judging by his flirtacous e-mails to me today, I'm thinking he's thinking of it being umcomfortable for me to walk tomorrow but on the other hand...a part of me wants to leave him in an exhausted quivering heap while I confidently prance downstairs to the kitchen, get a bowl of strawberries and recharge myself for round #2 and thus maybe turn the tables and leave him with trouble walking tomorrow

Probably lioness huh? And a hungry one at that Good luck to ya IC...how's it feel to be hunted

[Miss IC]

Mojo,

Ok, I've been thinking (usually not a good thing ) and not sure what to make of this or if I can get my point across to you in a clear manner but here goes...

Well the lioness most definitely made a guest apprearance last night and quite frankly I'm surprised to see IC posting this morning...guess he has more resiliency than I expected

Anyways, here is my problem..and I'm not looking for any pulled punches just because both IC and myself are both on here - we're both well aware of how I feel. Now let me see if I can get my point across - I have a tremendous desire for IC...the sex is grrreeaatt ! I feel so emotionally connected to him during sex but yet I don't feel a desire for sex ???

Picture IC & myself with one of those little red radio flyer wagons whereas the wagon represents sex. I'm sitting in front of the wagon and IC is pulling me along down the sidewalk..it's enjoyable, but IC's doing all the work. Now there are times (like last night) where we'll come to a large hill where IC will give the wagon handle to me for me to steer while he jumps in back of the wagon and enjoys the free-wheeling down the hill...but yet when we reach the bottom, I stay in the wagon and IC jumps out and starts pulling us up the next hill.

I'm just afraid (because it's happened before) that IC will grow tired of this constant pulling and eventually drop the handle and go off and play cowboys and indians...or whatever else little boys play these days And there I will sit...alone in the wagon, waiting and hoping that IC will come back and pull us up the next hill, but unwilling or..or should I say un-desirous to get out and help pull it, or even dare to let him ride while I pull. It doesn't seem to matter to me how enjoyable the ride is...I'm willing to participate, and enjoy but I'm content to also just sit there, alone, in a motionless wagon...waiting and hoping - that scares me!

[Baltoman]

Whoa, you mentioned the lioness and I thought you were Mojo. So when you said the sex with IC was great it caught me off guard. Ok, got my bearings straight again. Whew.

So, you enjoy once you start but you never want to start? Why not get a little help? Get one of those "30 nights of great sex" or "Sex Diet" books or whatever and commit to taking a page out of the book once a week or even once every two weeks interspersed with the normal IC initiated activity. You don't even need to make a big production so IC knows this is what you are doing (IC close your eyes, cover your ears, and shout nah nah nah for a few moments, k?) They say the way to more desire is through repetition...