W still angry with me, but the intensity lessens

[Lanzo]

Hi Betterman,

I'm still around the house, when I found out W had re-established contact with OM, I moved out for 2 months. This gave me time to cry, scream, and fall to bits away from her view. Then I started to detach mentally, (I want my W, but I don't need her).

I've been back home now 2 months and I certain don't get in her way or bug her or anything like that. That used to really annoy her and she would nit pick at any thing I did to get a negative response from me but that happens less now. So on the outside we still look like a normal couple, but at home we are separated, we sleep in separated rooms, part of me just longs to be next to another body in bed just so I can feel human again.

W and I can make light conversation, but that took a lot of effort on my part to get there. We haven't yet got to a point where I can say to W lets go for a coffee or anything like that, because she still keeps me at a distance. But I think I understand what you mean by being there for her.

W has never mentioned OM, I only found his existence when I snooped, I don't snoop now but it seems now they meet up every 2 or 3 weeks or so to spend time overnight together, he lives in another town. I don't react to this but it cuts me up, a little voice in my head says "I know where you've been last night" and then I have to fight with my inner turmoil. OM has been around more than 2 years, so that's gonna be a tough bond for them break, and it doesn't seem like it will fizzle out anytime soon. So I need to get back to my DB best.

I'm so glad you've said to me never talk about the R because I've been feeling like saying, this will be our last xmas together, or dropping some hints like that to force some talk. Because at the moment I feel so lame, because I'm fully aware there's someone else for her, and what we once had as a M is gone. I want to feel happy again and bailing out now seems a good option at the moment but I need help to stay focussed and to drop those thoughts.

I work out, I've got myself looking smart and W has even noticed and complimented me.

Money has constrained me on more GAL activities, but over xmas season I have things planned with friends on going out and partying, so with that I hope to have fun and boost myself esteem. I'm still looking for other less costly activities , I'm sure I can find some soon.

Thanks for your support, I feel better now after typing this post and reading your sitch.