Also - be careful about those in-laws ... things you say to them will leak back to W
Hmmmm. Prolly not so much.
The only other thing on which I disagree with Ellie is:
Quote:
wife has low moral character: not necessarily because she was dumb enough to get involved with her married lover, but she told his wife it was HER fault - and is shameless enough to admit that to YOU later? Geez - seems like something one would be ashamed of admitting to one's new boyfriend/husband. (Wasn't that a big red flag????)
I can see how someone might reach such a conclusion. But void of some pertinent details, I think we'd be making a pretty broad assumption by saying your W has low moral character.
For instance, did your W know the man was married when she was in a R with him and was later confronted by his W? Many of us on this board know all-too-well how difficult it can be to just "smell out" our spouses' As. If your W didn't know the man was M, the phone call from his W was prolly one heck of a surprise to your W. And as hurtful as it is -- do I dare say it? -- what your W said has some truth to it. My H left me, and I don't take responsibility for that; but it's true that I should have been a better wife to him pre-bomb. And no one knows whether that would have made a difference in his leaving. But it could have.
Additionally, some would argue that the reason your W told *you* this part of her life is basically because in some Ms, spouses share everything, including details (even shameful ones) about their past ... basically just to get everything on the table. I won't judge whether that's good or bad, right or wrong. It's simply an individual choice. I appreciate you making yourself vulnerable and sharing it here, because it gives us some insight into your sitch.
Now, if your W *knew* that Dude was married and was in a R with him anyway and then had the kahoonas to say such things to that man's wife (and later to you), then, yeah, maybe we could debate the "low moral character" thing.
Why does all that matter?: For someone to say your W has low moral character, especially when you're new here and to your sitch and very vulnerable, is kinda a little harsh, methinks. It's also drawing a conclusion about a person's character based on one sitch for which we have very few details. Also, to say your W has low moral character is not only an insult to your W. It's an insult to you, too, because it suggests that you have a poor sense of judgment; after all, you chose her as your W, and have kept her as such, for 8 years.
All that being said, I think Ellie makes fine points on everything else (all the stuff that really matters). She gives you a lot of very valuable info. to ponder and brings with it a lot of experience and knowledge. Ellie helped me, too, when I was here...
How are things today (whichever day it is in your necka the woods)?
