Hope you are doing good. I have so much threads to keep up to.
I was absent because I've been having a hard time. I caught my H on the act checking X-rated movies, he didn't notice I saw it. Decided to obey the 48 hour rule but couldn't help to snoope. Found out he's been checking them a lot and it was going on since I found out about the PA. We've ML sometimes but recently it stopped again. After considering things for a while I decided to write him a confrontation letter so he could read it all before getting mad. Wrote I caught him in the act but did not tell I was snooping. Asked him to seek serious help because of his problems, that the C he's been through was not working, of comiting to real women and wrote I thought it was an addiction. Tried to make the letter as by DB rules as possible. He read it, denied it, went mad, then assumed it and said it made him sick that I could think he had an illness. He said he would leave, he couldn't be with me like that, then he said I shouldn't do it this time of the year and that I could have waited to confront him. Changed his mind about leaving but said he just could not simply start to have strong physical attraction for me like that. I told him we couldn't move on without a 180 turn on this area of our marriage and his mind set. He agreed to do the 180 but said he was fearful of not having sucess with it.
Finaly I did it wrong again and snooped and found out he did it again the very next day of our conversation.
This time I forgot about the 48 rule, gathered all my evidence and confronted him. He was so in shock that he couldn't get mad, just repeated he did not do it. I asked him to leave this time and then he admitted it all but said he didn't have an addiction that it just turned him on. I said this was an A, a parallel life still. He said I knew all of his dark side, he was ashamed and felt uncomfortable in his own house because he was being investigated. Blamed me a lot for that. He packed but couldn't leave though. I told him that eventually we would have to deal with the fact that the M was going nowhere like this that I wasn't a quitter but I could not do this alone. I would give him space to think about it but I would no longer cope with this situation, the lies and that I was moving on with or without him and that I did not care anymore about his anger feelings towards me.
He said we both could not comit to our M. Him with his parallel life and me with the snooping. He told me he was becoming paranoid with all the snooping. That he was shocked by how much sofistication I had in my snooping. I could just say now you know how it is to be in my shoes being paranoid about your lies. he just dropped the bags and we talked a while about how we did not know how to turn this around. It ended friendly and we said we both needed to give it a thought.
I don't think we can move on if he can't find help. I don't think he can do this alone because he does not admit he has an issue. I cried my eyes out, more than ever before because I sense the end. How can I compete with a virtual universe where everything is perfect and there are no expectations and no mistakes. How can I have hope? When enough is enough? I wish I was stronger like so many of you guys.
