Adventures of Supermom...JennyF's 2nd thread

[JennyF]

Hi Blindsided,
Yes
Yes
and...
Yes

Love:
My husband is firm on the fact that he doesn't love me anymore. He says there were a lot of things he should have done differently a year and half ago when his feelings first started to change. But he didn't and he fell in love with someone else and now it's too late. BUT, I know that it isn't that black and white. Love is a choice and if you choose to let it go...it goes. And that's what he has done. I believe he will in time realize that there are things he loves about me and that he can find that love again if he wants to. That it can be nurtured and care for and can grow again if he is willing to put the effot in. But right now he doesn't want to and I can't change that. I read somewhere that "The grass isn't greener on the other side, you just have to water it on your side".
The key for me is to stand up and show him a woman worth loving!!

Hope:
I think I talked about this when I posted on your site. I have hope and most of all FAITH in my heart that he will return. BUT, I have stopped looking for signs of it, they are not there. I will become increasingly disappointed and sad if I look for the hope. I have to hold onto it my heart and believe in it. Sounds a little hoaky I know...but it's what I've got right now. I have also accepted that it is going to get worse before it gets better. He will get more serious with the OW...he has in order for him to realize it is a sham. That helps to keep the expectations in check. As RCR told me...Faith is believing in something when there is no evidence of it.

Distance:
We could not get any further apart than we are right now (unless he stopped coming to see the kids at all). We communicate only with regards to the kids. There is no small talk or friendliness. We have had sex maybe 5 times since I got pregnant in Feb and the last time was probably around June....he blamed that on the pregnancy but I know now it was because he had an OW. I am just getting to the point where I can distance myself because I realize it is the best way for me to accept that I have to let the marriage go for now. I find it helpful that he is acting like an unrecognizable person to me right now. So I don't want to be close with this alien...I don't know who he is. And I've stopped looking for the old guy. He's buried deep for now.

I'm focusing on me. Yeah...I'm constantly trying to figure out what he's thinking, but I've stopped trying to make sense of it. It doesn't make sense and I think deep down even he knows that. But there is nothing I can do to convince him he's wrong, nor should I. I want my marriage back together BADLY! I love him so much (the old guy that is) and I want him back home to give our family a second chance at happiness together. I believe he is better than the choices he is making and I believe that deep down he doesn't want to be this guy. BUT all of this means nothing if he doesn't believe it. And it means nothing if doesn't come to these conclusions himself.

I am willing to do anything to save my marriage and get the man I love back (well...almost anything!) and right now that means letting him go.
Have faith!!
J~