WAW does not want to try

[ann25]

after your last post I'm not sure. I know that you can't believe most of what you hear, and probably less of what you hear from someone she talked to, but that sounds like something a WAW would say to justify.

so that down the road if she did leave she would not have to wonder how it would have turned out had she given it another chance

I'm torn. It sounds to me like she came back to find reasons she shouldn't be back. if that makes any sense. She came back, if it works out and suddenly you make her feel all warm and fuzzy, then ok, but if not then she was justified in her leaving and she did her best. this is just one person's opinion, but if she's comparing you to OM, she's not ready to be there. Then again, i've told my H the same things. I don't know what he wants from me. I don't know what i need from him. if she brings up R talk, you might ask her to think of one thing you used to do that made her happy. Just to think of one little thing. if she can, try that. I thought I knew what i needed from my H, but i didn't. It's amazing what a simple thing can do.

1. you will never be OM and you will never make her feel the exact same way. funny thing about As. i think EA especially, its all about saying exactly what the other person wants to hear. He loves her, she's beautiful, he adores her... blah blah blah. If he really did, he wouldn't be there at all. he wouldn't be trying to break down her M. because he's not M to her, it's all "flowers and rainbows." that probably sounds silly, but it is. She chooses not to see any bad in him and only bad in you and then compares the 2 of you. I remember thinking in my head, if my H would only say those things to me. If he'd only listen like that. it's BS. I snapped out of it fairly quickly, so i see that now, but it doesn't seem like she does yet.

2. GAL. Have fun or at least act ASIF.

3. Don't count on her to do anything. You just keep DBing.

4. She said nothings changed. Have you? have you done 180s? if yes, she is choosing not to see it. Just keep working at it.

5. validate her feelings. "it must be hard for you feeling that nothing has changed" something like that. If she seems open to hanging out with you and wanting to actually work on the M, then go for it, but definately no pressure. IMO she's looking for a reason to run, but doesn't necessarily want to find it. She's torn about it and probably from one day to the next, she changes her mind.

Good luck. Hang in there. I hope she comes around and realizes that your M is worth actually fighting for.

ann