Well, I'm starting a new thread because H and I had another long discussion last night and he used the word "platonic" to describe our M. Yuck. He said he loves me so much and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He is happy. He is content. He wishes things were different in our sex life but he accepts it as is. I think the quote was "I understand we are basically living in a platonic M."
Help. I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I just can't. I'm 37, cute, in good shape, fairly intelligent, a nice person, a good catch. I need sex! Is that so wrong? I don't want to live as "best friends" in a M. Life is too short. I just don't know what to do at this point. I've tried everything. No one can say I haven't given it the old college try. I accepted him back after he left me in '04 and have now ended up in the same exact place as previously - no sex. But now it is worse because I feel myself closing off to him more than ever before. I don't find him attractive. I have no desire to have sex with him. I feel done, emotionally, psychologically, everything. We are getting along fine and dandy. Polite as could be with each other. But he knows we are on thin ice right now. He said "I'm not going to be the one to end this. It will have to be you." Ugh. How can he claim to be so happy when our M is in this state? It makes no sense to me. ?????
I just needed to get that out. I'm not really depressed or anything. Just more numb to it ever being different. I am trying to wrap my brain around a life without him. It is so hard. He said we will always remain close friends no matter what happens in the M. Well, I am not that naive to think that is possible. But maybe he has to tell himself that to get through this all himself. I dunno....
sounds like you need to decide what you mean by that, though. "sex", can mean a lot of different things.
Do you need a physical release, where someone else is "involved"?
Do you need specifically intercourse?
Do you "need" passion?
Do you "need" to feel sexually desired, to bolster your feelings of self-worth?
Do you need sexual "intimacy", possibly more than the actual whole "orgasm chase"?
All of the above things are "desirable". However, I think the important thing is for you to carefully identify and differentiate between the ones that you "want", vs the ones that you really truely cant go without.
Last edited by Dom R; 12/11/0707:31 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
He wishes things were different in our sex life but he accepts it as is. I think the quote was "I understand we are basically living in a platonic M."
That really sux. Sorry about that. I haven't posted to you much but always read you with interest because you seem somewhat like me in age, background, kids, personality type etc.
Why IS the sex life as it is from his point of view if he "wishes" it were different? Does he have any idea?
For the record, I couldn't do "platonic" as a long-term proposal either. No freakin' way.
Thanks RJ. Yes, it is a little passive-aggressive isn't it. But you know what? I don't have it in me to even find fault anymore. Who cares? It is not going to change. I have to accept it or move on. I know I cannot accept it, so it leaves me with no alternative.
I have to admit I cringed when I saw your name DomR. No offense. I'm just in no position for a "rah rah", full of solutions post.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though.
Let me just answer you by saying I do not want just platonic love, I do not want just sex. I want a R/M that is both love and sex combined. It's not asking too much.
Well, you have a third choice. You tell him you don't accept it, and YOU do something about it, like something sexually assertive. Are you up for that?
Oh RJ, I love ya, but no way in heck am I up for that. I don't want to force this issue any longer. It is such a turn off to me to have to do it. So it wouldn't solve anything.
I have a bit of trouble offering advice to you gals whose H's are "nice" but LD. However, since you have very little to lose at this point you might try "climbing on his lap and pulling on his ears". See if you can convert his passive-aggression into straight-up aggression into sex.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
