he's leaving - long post, need advice please

[tmi]

When I read on other people's threads that this could take two years (or longer), I really doubt my ability to hang in there.

This morning, while walking (I try to go every morning, been doing that for quite a while), I felt really angry that I am married to this man who can't be bothered to get help for himself and is willing to break his children's hearts and throw our family into turmoil, both emotional and financial. Why do I even want this selfish sh**?!?!

Then when my H got up, he came into the kitchen with a smile, gave me a hug and a kiss and continued to be very open and affectionate until he left to drive the kids to school. I was then feeling quite optimistic that we would be able to work things out, that the guy that just left would appear more and more. I've been busy doing things in my home office and not really thinking about him much for the last hour or so.

He just phoned to discuss the mortgage thing again, and during that conversation said that he would need some things for his new place, so now I'm back to angry and discouraged again.

How can he be so loving, while still planning to leave? I've been doing my best to continue to be upbeat, respond if he initiates affection without getting too excited about it, etc., but I'm not sure how long I can keep this up - I really want to yell and scream and beat him up. I may have to go for several walks today!

[ame0417]

Ingrid...I can feel your pain because Im going through the same. It's my baby's first Christmas and we are going through this mess. It's hard I know to act one way and then feel very different inside. But don't disregard those little signs of affection. We don't know what is going on in their heads or what their thoughts are. We just have to let go and hope and pray that they come back to a family that loves them.

[tmi]

Thanks, ame. How old is your baby? Does it help that you don't really need to to explain anything to your child?

I'm hoping to get through the holidays before telling my kids, which is going to feel very strange, but I'd like them to have it as a good memory.

[Nature Girl]

Hi Ingrid,

only time for a quick post before I have to leave and pick kids up

I think you did great with the convo!
I'd want to wait until after the holidays to tell the kids (do they know anything at all already?)

go for another walk!

[ame0417]

Hi Ingrid.

Our baby is 4 months. Yes, it's easy because we can leave the situation between us...eliminates the complexity.

I would wait to tell them. However, whenever the time comes it will be devastating. But kudos to you for trying to save your marriage. I saw someone write somewhere in this forum that the worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce. I tell myself that alot.