I too understand backing off the DB'ing, given the discouragement of all the tunnels seeming to have no cheese in them.
I too have been pondering easing off of the DB stuff and let W go entirely, not just going dark but just give up on her. It's not that it's not lonely without her, it's just that it's so "anti-lonely" when she is around, if you know what I mean.
But I also know that by most accounts that getting involved with another person before I have fully healed would be a disaster for me and for the other person. I know the rule of thumb for healing from a major relationship: the average is one year for every four years you were married. For me, that means I am looking at about four years before I will have had enough healing from the ripping apart of our M. That's a long time. And I am no more special than the next poor soul who's been through this experience, so who am I to argue I can get through this any faster?
So I am facing a number of years trying to heal from this ordeal.
I do intend to carry on, to move forward, focus on my sons and build up my circle of friends, but no dating. No, I don't particularly like the fact that I am being forced down this path of solitude and (to be frank) celibacy, but I don't ever, ever want to repeat this horrible trauma again, if I can help it. I don't ever want to get back into this same situation, 'cause I don't think I could survive it again. Just too d*mn painful. So I will be a lot stronger and wiser no matter what happens in my life.
But then if I am already facing the prospect of being single for a long time, what harm is there in still keeping the candle lit, for that wildly unlikely possibility that my W comes to her senses in that time? As long as I can arrange it to where she no longer becomes this constant threat to my PMA and going forward in my life, then it won't hurt to leave the door open until I am truly healed and ready for that next step years from now. Maybe God will surprise me with what lies ahead.
That's the way I'm looking at it of late -- tomorrow, who knows? I might be p*ssed off so much at her that I myself am willing to file.
