WAW says "I'm filing for D", but no papers

[SirPrizeMe]

If you keep wearing your wedding ring, yet at the same time, all your messages are, "I dont want to reconcile, i'm not coming back", then wearing the ring becomes meaningless to her as a positive symbol.

I'm not saying that's where you are right now. I'm just giving you a word of advice, not to let your ring do all the talking for you. Be careful what you actually say, as well.

Of course. I have never said, I don't want to reconcile. I told her I'm not going back to the house. My "I'm not going back" was in the context of a conv about the house. I asked her eleventy-seven times to reconcile, to return to MC. In fact, I asked too often. Clearly breaking DB rules. But in any case, I have never wavered from that desire.

Even now I am considering whether to send her in the mail a registration form for a Retrouvaille weekend in 6 weeks' time. I have it right in my hand. We both need to sign in order to register.

What you say about rings is true. Some people consider them a meaningful symbol, and some do not. However W knows that I consider my ring an important symbol of our marriage. This is not an assumption. I have told her this. She's clear on it. I'm not assuming. This is why she checks every time she sees me. She's taking the temperature. "Is he still committed?"

It's true, she may be imagining all sorts of things. She changed the locks because (she said) she thought I might come to the house in the middle of the night... and ... do what exactly? But if she is imagining all sorts of disasters or negative scenarios, what I say will make no difference. My assurances won't change her thinking. They haven't before. They won't start now.

On Mother's Day she accused me, "You don't think I deserve my life!" I quietly and lovingly assured her that I wished only the best for her, that I wanted to give her everything I had, everything I could offer, that I was devoted to her, and to our marriage, but that it was her decision whether to accept what I am offering.

But that didn't last. She was back to the "you hate me" thinking very soon after. That feeling is not coming from me. It's just not.