not a peep

[Dom R]

I feel flawed and rejected. I just wish I could be mad about it.

I think that there are two "most common" reactions that people have, and that they depend on the person's self esteem:

High self-esteem: Anger. "How could they treat ME this way? !!!"
Low self-esteem: Misery. "I'm so worthless they dont want me"

Most people probably cycle through both, at one point or another.



And then, there are "other" viewpoints. Such as,
"I have done/am doing what I can, to be a good spouse.
If they still arent interested... well... that's their choice to make. "
[This is a specific path to being able to "detach"]

I think this viewpoint, when taken up fairly, comes from both accepting the other person as an individual, and also being secure from the knowledge that you are "doing all you can".

When you can truly and honestly say and know that you are doing all you can; I've found that it helps detach from the pain of rejection.
When you can truly accept that the other person is a separate individual, and you dont control them; i've found that it helps detach from the anger of rejection.

There is a danger in taking on this attitude: I think that this viewpoint can be abused, when people "convince" themselves that they are doing all they can, when in reality, they are doing very little. I've seen people use the "i've done all i can" thing, as an excuse and self-justification to feel good about themselves throwing in the towel, when in reality, there is lots more they could do.

Other than that, though.. i think that this is a pretty good, positive way to deal with this type of situation.