More Growing and Healing

[COG]

Frank,

There are many people here who love you my friend.

Now duck because there's some 2x4's coming.

I'm not about to help you grovel in you self pity. Uh Uh, no way. You've had a very difficult life. If you stay focused on the pain, it will only get worse. Life on this earth is hell. You are not the only one in pain, lonely, and depressed, oh no you are not alone.

Now that I don't have to 'fight' any more my emotional self has had over a year to rear its head and demand it be comforted, satisfied, appeased. The little boy that was hurt finally wants to be comforted.

Well dust that little boy off, give him a nice warm hug, tell him you love him beyond belief, and send him back out to play. Stand tall, raise your shield, and fight those evil thoughts that haunt you. When they come, you cuss them, curse them, and reach out for your God.

The problem is that my whole life I have always been alone.

You only think you have been alone my brother.

During the previous several years of my depression, before the bomb and the db'ing, I truly believed that there was nobody in the world who would come to my aid.

You CAN believe that. It's true. There is "nobody in the world" who can come to your aid. But there is a spirit, more powerful than any human, who is always with you, always guiding, always aiding. But we have to listen, we have to open the door, we have to be faithful.

When I 'engineered' the restoration of my marriage and everything was 'safe'

Don't you realize who really "engineered" the restoration of your M? Now that's something to pray about, seek out, and connect with.

I was tired because I felt like "here I am, once again giving up what I need in order to save someone else".

And you point is? WWJD? We're all called to sacrifice my brother. Have faith that what you sacrifice is for a special reason and purpose far beyond what you can comprehend.

I was really good at fixing her, I'm not so good at fixing me.

You didn't fix anyone my friend. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start the healing.

My W still wants our marriage to work. I think I do, but I'm not really sure any more.

That's understandable. Most M couples have those thoughts. If your M is unfulfilling, then work on making YOUR life fulfilling first. Don't count on your M to fulfill your life. It aint gonna happen.

Don't be like me, make sure you really work on your crap, otherwise you'll eventually just let people down.

Don't let your "crap" be an excuse to be a "wuss"(per David). You're a much bigger man than that. Stand tall, fight the good fight. You're tired, bloodied, and beaten. Step back, take a few breaths, focus on your blessings, and jump back in the frey.

May the Holy Spirit lift you up today, bring you a glimmer of hope, a ray of light that you might see what a beautiful, caring, loving man you have become, and that you may realize how much you are loved and prized.

God Bless,

COG

PS You're a good man Charlie Brown!