I agree with this post ( after deciphering the hand holding animal stuff). I find my H's second guessing of my business stuff mainly annoying, like I want to swat his comments away, while wishing he would swat my nonsense in the bedroom.
Anyway, Take some Zithromax for the bronchitis. Works great.
while wishing he would swat my nonsense in the bedroom.
Excellent idea. I will add a pair of panties that say "Nonsense" across the *ss to my "Naughty Butt Nice" line. Although I have to say I'm still not quite getting what the problem is in your sex life. Probably some combination of you wanting validation for being bunny and your H wanting validation for being St. Bernard. I think you recently posted that your H sees you as being "sweet". You do understand that you need to signal a bit "naughty" if you want to get your nonsense swatted, right? I know, I know....it's a lot of freakin' mostly underappreciated work to signal sexual submissive. First you have to make yourself attractive. Then you have to signal availability. Then you have to signal "but first you have to catch me" or "can't catch me" or a "My what large teeth you have Grandma." form of cluelessness or find a little stick to poke the wolf with or just hop around endlessly until you're bored silly etc. etc. etc.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
while wishing he would swat my nonsense in the bedroom.
Excellent idea. I will add a pair of panties that say "Nonsense" across the *ss to my "Naughty Butt Nice" line. Although I have to say I'm still not quite getting what the problem is in your sex life. Probably some combination of you wanting validation for being bunny and your H wanting validation for being St. Bernard. I think you recently posted that your H sees you as being "sweet". You do understand that you need to signal a bit "naughty" if you want to get your nonsense swatted, right? I know, I know....it's a lot of freakin' mostly underappreciated work to signal sexual submissive. First you have to make yourself attractive. Then you have to signal availability. Then you have to signal "but first you have to catch me" or "can't catch me" or a "My what large teeth you have Grandma." form of cluelessness or find a little stick to poke the wolf with or just hop around endlessly until you're bored silly etc. etc. etc.
This is exactly what I've been trying to tell her!!!! Only I like your examples much better This woman's got it ! Just can't always remember where she put it
Mojo, I don't want to be too protective...but stay inside today if you can...I just winched 3 people out of the ditch on my way into town this morning. My little 20 minute ride into town for ice cream {I know, I'm just like a pregnant woman...gotta have it..NOW!} turned into a 2 1/2 hour trip ! Didn't really have the extra energy to help these people but yet I couldn't pass them by and feel right about myself.
OK, onto my ice cream...vanilla with chocolate syrup...peanuts?? or walnuts?
It's true...our sex life would work a whole lot better if my H weren't as clueless and I weren't so lazy. And you're forgetting I have to throw in some type 3 validation in there as well, like throwing a dog a bone, when I wish he could just read my mind. I'm still LD enough where a good book is a viable option, but he's HD enough ( and connected enough to me at this point) to keep it all going, and I'm HD enough not to drop the ball.
It scares me sometimes how you can pin down exactly what I feel in regard to how much "control" I want my H to have over me. I am all about "control" in the bedroom, open displays of masculinity etc... Want to kill my desire? Make me be the agressor 24/7. I can be very agressive sexually but I am a whole lot happier if my agression is met with equal or more agression on the other side. If my lioness bites, she wants bitten back. OTOH - money, chores etc... I expect to be an egalitarian thing. My job, my core values, my hobbies, my friends - these things are mine and are non-negotiable.
It scares me sometimes how you can pin down exactly what I feel in regard to how much "control" I want my H to have over me. I am all about "control" in the bedroom, open displays of masculinity etc... Want to kill my desire? Make me be the agressor 24/7. I can be very agressive sexually but I am a whole lot happier if my agression is met with equal or more agression on the other side. If my lioness bites, she wants bitten back. OTOH - money, chores etc... I expect to be an egalitarian thing. My job, my core values, my hobbies, my friends - these things are mine and are non-negotiable.
Well, although we are on the same page, I'm sure you would agree with me on the following. Men like admiration and are attracted to vulnerability so you have to at least "let" them play you bunny sometimes. It's hard to only switch gears into a feminine/masculine or dominant/submissive vibe right at the bedroom door. Like you wouldn't say "It's your turn to change the poopy diaper. When you're done with that and you've finished the dishes, get in the bedroom and throw me down and have your way with me."
Also, it is only fair in the interest of GGG to be the clearly dominant partner sometimes and let the boy be the horny monkey. For instance, in a recent Savage Love column he gave the example of putting your high heels on a man's genitals while he gives you head. It's all a matter of proportion. I wouldn't like a sex life that had that vibe most of the time but, of course, it would work better with ordering him to change the poopy diaper first.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
BTW - sorry about the break up. I know you will be ok. You were sort of expecting it.
It's really okay. On some level I knew we weren't long term compatible because he is somebody who would be a Republican if he wasn't African-American but he was so super-validating at first I let myself be hypnotized.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Funny this is I would never order that H change a poopy diaper. He rarely does but will if he is the one with primary care of baby at the moment while I am doing something else like cooking dinner. We tend to have fairly equivalent but flexible roles. H is clearly dominant in many areas of the household and I am am clearly dominant in others. In the areas where we are the primary manageer we have a general "stay out of my area" mentality such that we rarely have to ask the other to do anything and if we do it is a very "Can you please x,y,z?" kinda thing. The funny thing is that most of the stuff in our home is done in fairly traditional gender role division of labor and so again he gets the traditional male role.
The "cow" is clearly evident in the role division alone. Shows of vulnerability by me are avoided like the plague by him. He likes the monkey but the monkey doesn't get much play either. The monkey and bunny roles feel vulnerable to me. I tend toward a comfortably cow/lioness mode although the lioness rarely has to roar at all. I can agree with you that I got more sexual play by him when we were dating because all the monkey fun stuff is easier during a dating R. It isn't natural for me and it feels very vulnerable. Sometimes when we were dating he found shows of "play with me sexuality" and other forms of vulnerability annoying too. I sometimes think that he liked the vulnerability of being a recent divorcee who had been hurt and either thought he was getting a long term "broken" woman (bunny only) who was a big project that he could throw flowers at and she would only see the flowers and not the fact that he was unable to be intimate OR he thought he was getting the rock of gibralter who would never need anything. I was and am neither.
Strangely enough most people would see him as so clearly Alpha, leader etc... that they would think I don't get a say so in anything AND they would be absolutely shocked that I don't get any "throw her on the bed" sex.
This woman's got it ! Just can't always remember where she put it