Me: 40 H: 47 M: 11 yrs, 20 yrs together D: 6 yrs old
Hi everyone, I just found this website and Michelles books - probably too late. I posted on the separated forum yeaterday and than found this one today. In 8/07 my H ended it over the phone when I was away on vacation. We have grown apart for the last year, no time as a couple and little sex. But I had no idea he was that unhappy. He never communicated with me even though I tried several times. When I came home from vacation he told me in a very angry tone that it was over, he was having an affair with a coworker - but said thats not why I'm leaving - I have been unhappy for years. He told me he does not even like me - finds me negative and complaining, that he is not attracted to me (I was fat), does not love me and wants a divorce immendiately. I was shocked and devestated. He contacted a lawyer right away and tried to convince me to file. I did not - so he filed in 9/07. I called his cell phone several times a day begging and pleading - also threatening to get him fired since the affair was with a coworker. I see now I only pushed him further away. I was so angry and hurt though. I have never experienced such pain and betrayal in my life. I took it very badly. I could hardly get out of bed every day crying hysterically.He moved out in 9/07 and has rarely seen my D he is so involved in his own life. Then 10/07 after I left numerous messages begging him to try to save our marriage for our daughter he called me after a visitation with her and said I looked great (I lost 45 lbs), said he missed our D and said he does still love me. Said the affair has been over for 5 wks. We went on one date which was very awckward because he said lets not talk about what happened yet. Then he spent the day with us and it was great and we had great sex - it just happened - still we had not talked. We agreed to talk later that week and when we did I could not help it but I just bombarded him with questions about the affair - what kind of sex did you have, were you in love, where did you take her. He said I had an affair its over lets move on. I said you need to tell me about it. He became very offensive and reluctantly answered some questions. Said they were not in love and it just ended. Then Isaid while D and I were sitting home you were out with some tramp - he defended her - said shes not a tramp - and he left. That was 11/1 and I called him for 2 weeks and left vm in which he did not responsd. I apologized for grilling him and said we should just talk about us. He never called me back. My 40th birthday came and went - not even a call after 20 years. That was the worst birthday of my life. After weeks of no contact he started calling to schedule visitation. We email only now. I have tried to engage him in email chats but he does not respond unless it is about our daughter. When he comes to pick her up he waits in his car and she runs out. We are going to court tomorrow to get the separation agreement signed since our lawyers have been arguing over how much he should give me every week (I have been a stay at home mother). The other day my daughter saw him and said he was talking on his cell to a girl and called her honey. My lawyer says we will be divorced in a few months - feelng hopeless and feeling it is my fault because I attacked him when he said he wanted to repair the marriage. What do I do now?
