Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning

[Jeanette1120]

morning bear!!

I sense a bit of bitterness creeping in. Hey! It is warranted, but lets see what we can do about it. K.

Maybe you are right ( of course you are) I don't know if he is trying to control me as much as he is trying to control the whole situation. H jumped off the couch this am and ran out for the mail, i could really care less at this point. What am i going to see, the credit card bills for hotels he is taking her to. I did notice that last week we got our credit union statements, mine was unopened on the table. H's was gone. I sure he did not want me to see all the money he has taken out of his savings account to spend on her. Good as long as it does not come from the joint account, could care less. But i know it comes from the joint account. H is stupid in some ways, he will just use any card he pleases, that's why the rush to control the mail.

Aack! I don't want to be right. It scares me. You are special to me and I word myself very carefully because I want what is best for you. Not him. YOU!

Ahhh....the super secret mail. Give me a break. Yes, we are stupid little people with no brains and they are ever so clever. NOT! So we know he's spending loads of money on his new plaything. His joint acct is also half yours. What he is spending on her is half yours. If you do not care that he is going to squander away his money....then fine, but make sure he doesn't squander it all. My X is so deep in debt right now he will never come out of it. I've had to take drastic measures not to get sucked down with him. Hmm...I had to come back up here....a thought crossed my mind. Now I'm not sure if you would call this snooping or protecting. Even if he takes and hides the statements, you can access them online I am sure, and this is an area you need to be very careful of, they will go through money like you cannot imagine. RCR or sg? help!

Do you think i should say what i stated in my evening post, If i must let you go to florida for xmas to clear your head, the i cannot stop you, (the line i want to say after that is just remember that i love you)

You want my honest opinion? I would LOVE to say what you want to say. But, if I really really thought about it, I would tell him to have a great time! Now, I would not pack his clothes neither would I wash them. Act as if you don't care! He already knows how you feel. Why keep throwing it out there only to hurt yourself.

I have a dept xmas party to go to on friday i was not going to go but guess what i'm a going. Do i tell h at all? he will expect me home at dinner, do I tell him i have plans. Even though h is with her he does always tell me he is "going out"
Do i tell him i am "going out"

Do the unexpected! and look fabulous!!!

I could also bring him but no. and i hate having to say that, because i want him to go, to see everyone and have a good time, but why, your only stamping on my heart and lying to me, why should you deserve for me to pay money for you to come to my party as my guest. I'm not going to any of his.

bear, he won't go to a movie with you. do you really think he would go to YOUR office party? I mean....holy mackrel but that will surely cause a scandal if he is seeing someone whom works within the same company as you.

Naaaa.....you go. Remeber...yes he is stamping on your heart. You do not need to add to it by inviting him only to get rejected, not saying you would, but just saying go and have a great time without him.

I wish i felt the same that you do that i am doing a great job, just feel numb, did you feel this way? and does it go away? I feel love for my h, true deep soulful love, but it is sinking to the bottom, and emptiness is floating on top. I need to replace the emptiness with hope, because hope floats. (one of my favorite movies side note)

You are doing a marvelous job! The numbness and pain is going to be there, but it's the ultimate goal that keeps you going. Yes bear, I felt that way and I still do. But it is time for me to do something drastic, as I cannot keep up with this anylonger, nor am I going to allow him to sink me. Keep your hope and faith floating on top bear. In the long run you will be rewarded for it.

You know in your heart what you have to do, and you are doing it. It is not easy, it is not fair but it is now your life you have to take control of. Let him go....let him find out for himself what lies at the bottom of the ocean. You make sure he doesn't sink you.

Hugs bear

Jeanette