GGG- What it means to me.

[MJontheMend]

Well, GP and I are no more and here's why. First off, I should make it clear that IMO this was a pretty 50/50 mutual type break-up. The fact that I am not entirely to blame should be evidenced by the fact that we had a convo in which he complimented me on being the least "vengeful" woman he has ever been with. Perhaps it was due to my low-level fever but I wasn't even entirely certain what I was supposed to be "vengeful" about but clearly there was something or he wouldn't have said that.

Anyways, we need not concern ourselves with GP and his apparent predilection for causing women to exhibit vengeful behavior. This thread is all about me, me, me. Last week my sister and I relocated our business which required us to move over 600 banker boxes full of books. We hired a couple helpers but it was a big job and at one point my sister asked me "Why didn't you get your 500-push-ups-a-day BF over here to help?" I realized that was a very good question and I gave it some serious thought. Pretty much I decided that although I want a dominant man in my bed all up in my u-know-what, I don't want a dominant man in my life all up in my business. My sexual monkey and my non-sexual monkey are in conflict because one wants to be spanked and the other doesn't. Another way I might express it is that my sexual monkey is frequently holding hands with my bunny but my non-sexual monkey is more often holding hands with my lioness. I think BF must really be my obnoxious little brother separated at birth because he so frequently says things that make me think about my own sexuality from the opposite POV. I mostly don't want to be sexually "respected" by men because I am mostly a sexual submissive. However, in "real life" I do want respect and autonomy. So it kind of goes like:

1) Pin me down and have your way with me.- Yum!

2) Open doors for me.- Nice!

3) Suggest that I need new tires on my car or long underwear.- Tolerable.

4) Leave post-it notes telling me to clean the coffee-maker.- Do not like even one little bit.

5) Signal strongly that while it is okay for you to go out, for instance, gambling on a Saturday night, it is not okay for me to go out to the blues bar with friends. - No. No. No. Monkey in a cage. Intolerable.