Is it "normal" for someone who is divorcing you to tell you how much they love you and how hot they will always think you are?? Doesn't seem quite right to me. I feel really stupid. Like I'm missing something..
Just like you all, H said something about having time to turn things around before the D is final. WTH??? Does he want it or not??
I am still so confused, then angry, then sad. Does this rollercoaster ride ever end?
Olive... he's in the midst of an affair. Just like someone else said, he thinks divorcing you will end his pain and clear his conscience. Dont ask him about anything.
Keep on DBing and act as if you are going to be just fine without him. He wants you to stay within arms reach just in case his R with OP doesnt work out.
You have to start thinking of yourself and what it is that you want. Ultimately you cannot control him. Trust me, I know how bad this sucks.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
You're right. He does think that divorce will somehow end his pain. I guess the good thing is that he finally jumped off the fence. Just not in the direction that I had hoped.
I'm not going to ask him about anything - what he's doing, who he's with. I think that's the right thing to do for me. I need to start acting like we are not part of each others lives.
Yes, start acting as if you two are divorced, amicably. I still think he needs to move out before the sale of the house, but that's my opinion. Also, how he says ILY and how hot you are will sure makes you uncomfortable, among other things that he may be doing (being nice, hugs if any, etc.) I am not good at writing, but I would think something along the line of : "I feel awkard that we are still acting like a couple. I would prefer you not to say things like that" "I need sometime to be by myself. It would really help me if you can find another place to stay until the house is sold. thanks" "As we are divorcing, let's have a schedule on who will take care of DD so I can start planning my life and make the transition easier" I would not be COLD, but firm and civil, business like. Of course, no blaming. Don't act as if he is hurting you. It's only that you do not feel comfortable and would appreciate some space and some privacy to deal with your own emotions (NO BLAMING!!!) I would think having a firm schedule regarding childcare is good as you will need that eventually. I don't know what your arrangement is now, but I would think having him just take care of DD whenver he wants is not a strong signal to him yet. If you have a schedule that he has DD duty MWF night or whatever, stick to it so he will get a taste of life after D. Go dark but still be polite. Think if you hate your boss, if your boss ask what you are doing after work, you would still say "I am going out with some friends for dinner (act happy). Have a good evening" and then get out ASAP, right? You won't show that you hate your boss, and would still talk, but would keep it to a minimum with no personal info whatsoever. LO, I think you are doing great considering the circumstances. Take care. I know it hurts. I feel your H really has not thought or realized what he is doing. He is only thinking/living at the moment, with strong attachment/guilt towards OW. My H went through that (and still is). My H has told me so many times that he is living day to day and just hoping to get it through the day and the crisis at that moment as he cannot think further ahead. Watch for signs of H. He will be checking you out and having doubts of what he is doing. HUGS to you. Take care and remember, no matter what, you will be a better and more considerate person after this. It's NOT OVER YET.
My heart goes out to you and your DD If only we could see the future and know what was going to happen. Hang in there and try not to get overcome by events, there are people that still need you and God forbid the D is finalized there will be people who will want you. Lets hope it does not come to that, praying for you girl.
mcol Me: 34 Deployed W:32 (EA started Oct 07) S:8 D:3 S:18 mos ILYBNILWY-12/14/07 Request for backdated separation 12/14/07 Top areas to work: 1) Communication 2) Repairing me, focusing on me
I still think he needs to move out before the sale of the house, but that's my opinion.
Not going to happen until the house sells...
Originally Posted By: ourcrisis
Also, how he says ILY and how hot you are will sure makes you uncomfortable, among other things that he may be doing (being nice, hugs if any, etc.)
We talked about this and I told him it is confusing to me so he's stopped most of it.
Originally Posted By: ourcrisis
I don't know what your arrangement is now, but I would think having him just take care of DD whenver he wants is not a strong signal to him yet. If you have a schedule that he has DD duty MWF night or whatever, stick to it so he will get a taste of life after D.
OC - I'm going to work on this next...
mcol - you are very sweet
On another note, I have a very close group of 4 girlfriends. Two of them have known about the A since I found out. I did not tell the other two. They just knew there were marital problems. I just got off the phone with one of them to tell her about the D and guess what??? She didn't know about the A. Not one of my friends spilled out this confidential information to the others. Wow... Just goes to show you that I can trust these ladies with my life.. then again.. I already knew that
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
