Reaching desperation point

[MJontheMend]

Your anger is perfectly natural and understandable but it will get you nowhere. You need to take back ownership of your sexuality and the only way to do that is to give your H back ownership of his sexuality. Your anger is a reflection of your feeling of being controlled because you have given ownership of your sexuality to your currently LD-for-you-H.

Let's say you were single and you walked into a bar. It wouldn't make you angry if half the guys there weren't interested in you, right? You wouldn't think "I am so hot that everybody must be interested in me all the time.". If you were really sexually assertive and confident, you might spot one guy and think something like "He will be mine tonight." If a man were to approach you sexually, you would have to make a decision about your sexuality and whether you wished to share it with him. My point in giving this example is to illustrate the point that if you give your H back ownership of his sexuality then you won't feel anger because it will be like you approached a guy at a bar and he responded in a friendly manner "I don't like blonds" or "I'm currently celibate. I'm just here for the alcohol." or "My penis isn't working lately.". If actually getting laid isn't your goal then you could even hangout with that guy and play pool or share some nachos or discuss local politics etc. Otherwise, you would probably move on and find a guy who likes blonds and wants to use his functional penis with you.

Anyways, you need to figure out what you really want? Do you want validation that your H loves you? Do you want validation that your H desires you? Do you want to be treated in a loving manner? Do you want to have sex? Then you have to realize that your H "owes" you none of this but a lot of it might be what you owe yourself. Then you will be angry at yourself. Then you will forgive yourself. Then you will treat yourself better.

Realize that giving your H back ownership of his sexuality and thereby taking back ownership of your own sexuality, although necessary, may do absolutely nothing to increase his desire for sex with you. OTOH, it may be all that is necessary to allow him to once again feel that desire. When you say to yourself something like "I am a grown woman and I will have sex." then you are making a statement of sexual ownership. The more confident you are in your ownership, the more you can make such a statement in a calm, happy manner rather than in an angry, hurt or fearful manner. The extent to which your LDH would find such a statement a threat if made in a confident calm manner is the extent to which he is not in ownership of his own sexuality.