Still sad but movin' on

[MonicaP]

It has been a really long time since my last post and unfortunately it is time for me to move to DBND. I finally filed for LS back in June so I could get some legal boundaries around my custody and support. I knew the risk was that H would respond with D, and he did. Fortunately we agreed on everything and now I have sole P and joint L, plus child support (not much). H even agreed - after 2 yrs of sep - to take S5 for 1 wknd/month. He's been pretty consistent. The only thing left for our D is for H to file his final financial declaration. When I gave him mine a couple of weeks ago he looked surprised and didn't know he had to do this (we talked about it with the atty in court).

I have been gradually healing and have definitely mastered GAL! The only interaction I have with STBXH is twice a week when he is with S at my home. Typically I see him for 30 min's on either end because one of us goes out. I allow him the use of my home for S5. H lives too far.

I rarely cry anymore, but I do get hit with deep sadness from time to time. The holidays, birthdays, etc. are the hardest. I still miss the man I married. I still love him. He'll always live in my heart. But today H is a different person, I don't know him.

He is still w/ Ow and apparently doing fine. His job is going well and he seems more "stable". He still seems to be living in denial about our R. It's like we were never together. At our D proceedings I cried the entire time and he was as cold as ice. I could see the guilt all over his face, but I could also see how hard he was trying to deny it. When we left the courthouse I never looked back.

To be honest I am still in shock at times. It blows my mind that we are not together anymore, it's like something went wrong in the universe. We were supposed to be together forever.

Well, life does go on...

S5 started K so I am on the ride now. My job is great. I feel better than I ever have about myself. I've been getting out on occasion - dancing, dinners, etc with friends. There's one guy I have a crush on. I'm still working on financial matters, that's the tough one.

I am so grateful that I found the DR and this site when I did nearly 2 years ago. I just don't know how I would have walked through it all without it. I think I need to jump back in again during the D process. It is sad for me.

I could use some support...

Thanks!