W still angry with me, but the intensity lessens

[Betterman]

You know, one of the best things that you can do is to be there, but not be a nuisance. If you can find that fine line, use it. This will drive the OM NUTS and eventually he will show his true colors and FREAK about you being around. The key is to not be a pest. Do NOT show up unexpectedly. This shows a lack of respect (even if you think she doesn't deserve any) and will be a negative to her. DO NOT be there when he is there. This way you become a mystery to him. Guys HATE having to fill in the blanks and we more often than not ALWAYS fill those blanks in with BAD stuff. Use that fact to your advantage.

Better yet. If you can do this, schedule a regular time to meet in private with your WAW; for lunch or coffee or whatever, and make that time about business. Just make sure that it's about something that won't cause stress or arguments. Make it for at least half an hour. DO NOT talk about the relationship EVER. The key is to make it about business. Do this until you can be certain that she is giving you signs that she wants something more. And then WAIT. Do not respond to those signs until she does them a few times over a few meetings. If you jump the gun, you're screwed.

What I can almost guarantee will happen is that the OM will begin to wonder what is up and then his mind will start working and he'll begin filling in those blanks. He'll begin to believe that you are "back in" or at least trying to get back in. He may even think that you are having a little tryst together. Then, like I said: he'll get jealous and confront her on it. She will more than likely tell him to F.O. because he will be acting "just like you" and this is NOT what she wants.

Then the real trick is to NOT call him a jerk or an idiot. Just be supportive of her if she bring the fact to you that the OM's being an idiot and LISTEN. Let her vent. Don't give advice or solutions or even opinions. Just say something like "Well, that must not make you feel very good." DO NOT say anything like "I'm sorry to hear that" because this kind of statement can be turned back on you with something like "Oh, I BET you are!" I have found that if you cannot find the words to say, it's always good to either say nothing at all or something like "I have no idea what to say to that" or just "Wow" or "OK." These are very neutral statements and usually cannot be turned back or into anything else.

And you may ask "did you do this?" Yep. Did he/they respond negatively. Probably. I never actually found out. BUT, I know that I am back in with her and THAT is what really matters!!