Thank you so much to everyone who responded - I know everyone here is carrying their own burden.
I would prefer to wait until after Christmas to tell the kids, scgtxok, but I also think it would be good to give them more time to adjust to the idea before H actually moves out. If we tell them on the 26th or 27th and H moves out on the 31st (probably - I'll have to ask what he's thinking for New Year's Eve), that's only a few days. OTOH, if we tell them on the weekend, they will be upset for the entire holiday and that can't be good either.
H seems to feel its better to tell them soon and I was kind of leaning that way too, but could also go the other way. I think part of his wanting to tell them is that it's one more step towards 'freedom'. I'm going to think about this - any more feedback on the timing would be appreciated. Would it be too guilt-inducing to say that we don't want to ruin their last Christmas with an intact family?
Tonight at dinner, my daughter mentioned my son's dislike of peanut butter and H said 'well, he'd better start eating it' like it's funny that money will be very tight with two households to support. I kept looking at my plate for a while and when I looked up, he was looking at me - I think he got the inappropriateness of his joke. I smiled at him and he seemed relieved.
I realize now how much I was hoping that he would see my changes and decide to stay, at least to give it a while longer. Now that I know about his firm plans to move, I am so sad.
However, my son and I spent some time today hanging bikes on the wall in our 'wrecked' room to make space for some of the other activities in there and we did it without (much) help from H(even though there was some heavy lifting involved) and had a good time doing it.
Anyway, thanks again. If it weren't for the people on this bb, I think I would have lost my mind by now.
