Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning

[phbear316]

Jeanette

Maybe you are right ( of course you are) I don't know if he is trying to control me as much as he is trying to control the whole situation. H jumped off the couch this am and ran out for the mail, i could really care less at this point. What am i going to see, the credit card bills for hotels he is taking her to. I did notice that last week we got our credit union statements, mine was unopened on the table. H's was gone. I sure he did not want me to see all the money he has taken out of his savings account to spend on her. Good as long as it does not come from the joint account, could care less. But i know it comes from the joint account. H is stupid in some ways, he will just use any card he pleases, that's why the rush to control the mail.
So i think i mean to a point he is controlling or trying to control some things like the mail. Like the invitation to the wedding from sat. Someday I will be home and get my paws on something good, then maybe i wont. can't tell can't worry about it

No i do not want to use guilt for good, it just for right now it more truth than guilt. Maybe the truth is hurting him? Again can't get in his head, and right now i don't think i really want to. I think h should not cancel his therapy appt this week if he knows what is good for him. But i don't hold any candle to the fact that he will keep or break the appt. I feel he needs to speak with his therapist about what i said on sat to him. Just waiting for him to tell me he is going to fla, lets see will he wait till sat or sun when the flight is tues?

Do you think i should say what i stated in my evening post, If i must let you go to florida for xmas to clear your head, the i cannot stop you, (the line i want to say after that is just remember that i love you)

What is you imput? Jeanette

I wish i felt the same that you do that i am doing a great job, just feel numb, did you feel this way? and does it go away? I feel love for my h, true deep soulful love, but it is sinking to the bottom, and emptiness is floating on top. I need to replace the emptiness with hope, because hope floats. (one of my favorite movies side note)

I have a dept xmas party to go to on friday i was not going to go but guess what i'm a going. Do i tell h at all? he will expect me home at dinner, do I tell him i have plans. Even though h is with her he does always tell me he is "going out"
Do i tell him i am "going out"

I could also bring him but no. and i hate having to say that, because i want him to go, to see everyone and have a good time, but why, your only stamping on my heart and lying to me, why should you deserve for me to pay money for you to come to my party as my guest. I'm not going to any of his.

((hugs))
bear