Pregnant and abandoned #3

[JennyF]

blinsided,
I like your last post!!
Especially this...

So for now, ENOUGH! Back to work, stop dwelling. Put it off until another time.

I do this a lot. I tell myself (or type to myself) what I need to do. I may necessarily feel that way, but if I type it with enough conviction then it's a start! Fake it 'til you make it right?!

You asked me on my thread if I ever lose hope. Well, I struggled with this a lot at first. I thought that the hope was something that I needed to justify. Soomething that needed proof from H to make it relevent and when I didn't get that reinforcement...YES, I lost hope. But then over time I've come to keep the hope filed in my heart, knowing that a lot of other things need to happen in order for their to be a chance. Now I call it FAITH. RCR descibed faith to me as this:

Faith isn't sensory based. It is something present in the absence of evidence; that is why it is a leap.

I have no evidence that my H will come back and I've done my best to stop looking for it. BUT, I believe in my heart that he will...eventually. I refuse to let go of that feeling. I've accepted though that it is going to take a long time. And I know that if I dwell on his every move and let my emotions get the better of me (especially around him) it will take even longer. My goal is to do all that is within my power using the DB principles to speed this up and doing as little as possible of what will slow it down. I still have absolutely no evidence that it is working, but I have FAITH!!
I have also accepted that it will probably get worse before it gets better. This helps to keep my expectations realistic, and I don't feel disappointed as often.

All of what you're feeling is what I felt (and still do feel) too. And I know hormones did play a large role in it for me as well. But keep doing what you talked about in your last post. It sounded great! The strongest I've heard you!!
You'll get there!
J~