I love my husband as a person and a friend. I am not physically attracted to nor do i feel emotionally connected to him right now. Some people I've talked to say that it is a decision to be in love. That I can choose if i want to, to be in love with my husband. some say that throughout M, when there are difficult times that people may feel that way and in time after the problems are resolved, that those feeling will come back. I've talked to others still that think once you lose those feelings, they are just gone.
I think you can choose to love someone. I think that you can choose to accept who they are as a person, the good and the bad, and choose to love them. I don't personally feel like you can make yourself feel emotionally connected. I guess for me, that was the difference between loving him and being in love with him. I always used to think about him during the day, just look forward to spending time with him, doing little things for him, seeing him smile. To me, those are the little things that being in love comes with. that doesn't mean i have some false expectations of what a M should be or that I have any expectations of him. None of those feelings required him doing anything. I just had them. I'm interested in your opinion on this.
I reread your post to me originally on my other thread. and then your original post here at db. I think that our situations are quite different. I was the one telling my husband that he wasn't doing enough for me and that he was the one that took me for granted and didn't help enough and all I've tried to do is hold everything together. everytime I tried to talk to him about it he'd get upset and end up yelling. I told him ILYBINILWY. Shortly after that he wanted a Divorce cause i couldn't guarantee him 100% confidence in our M at that time. When you posted to me, you made it sound like you and I were in the same shoes. Like i needed to do more for him before he leaves me, but I think based on the stories, i identify more with your H. I was hurt and felt mistreated, I almost walked away.
I want my M, I love my H, but I am not in love with him. The effort i put in at home is definately different than you see me writing here because here, I can say that I'm upset he isn't willing to talk about what started everything. Here i can whine a little and vent and journal. At home, I have to be a loving wife. I get home and cook him dinner, take care of the kids and we spend the evening doing what he wants. I don't know how to go about LOVING HIM AGAIN for real. I think we both need to make changes. I can tell you he's not the same man that i fell in love with and he doesn't even have some of those qualities i love so much. So now, i'm learning to be in love with this new man that I feel like I don't really know like i should.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
