Me: 40 H: 47 M: 11 yrs, 20 yrs together Kids: 6 year old Separated: 4 months
Hi everyone, I just dicovered Michelles books and I hope its not too late. In Aug after 20 years together my husband ended our marriage. Said he does not love me, does not even like me, not attracted to me and he was having an affair with a coworker and wants a divorce immediately. He said the affair is not why he is leaving me - said he has been unhappy for years. I was shocked. I knew the last year of our marriage was stale and we had our issues but after 20 years together I thought it was just a bad stage in our relationship. He was angry at me and had such dislike for me and was really cruel to me with the things he said. He filed for divorce right away and moved out. I fell into a deep depression and lost 45 lbs. Over the next three months I called him several times a day sobbing and begging and pleading. I also called yelling at him and threatening to get him fired since he was involved with a coworker. Things were really nasty between us for months becuase the only time he would respond to my calls was when I threatened his job (which I was never going to do but I knew I would get a response - and at that point even hostile communication was better than no communication - I could not take him not talking to me). Anyway in Oct he surprised me after a visitation with my daughter he said he missed her and realized he still loved me, said he found me attractive again and wanted to repair the marriage for our daughter - said he has not been with the OW for 5 weeks. Well, I was so excited and desperate and angry about the affair I bombarded him with questions about the affair the first time we decided to talk and on 11/1 he left when I called his lover a tramp and asked specific questions. I could'nt help it - I spent 3 months imagining them together and what they were doing.He would not return my calls even though I left numerouse messages telling him I realize it was too soon for me to ask about the affair I should have asked him about our relationship before the affair. He has not responded to any of my voice mails. When he sees my daugher he pulls in the driveway and beeps the horn. We communicate only by email and I have tried to engage him in conversation but he sticks to talk about visitation only. THe other day my daughter came home and told me he was speaking to a girl on the phone and called her "honey". I guess he is back with the OW. I just found Michelles books and realized I did everything wrong. I guess my only option is the LRT and to also only discuss visitation and wait and see what happens. WE go to divorce court this week to decide on the separation agreement and my lawyer tells me we could be divorced in a few months. I feel hopeless.
