CVA - Have I Done Everything...No!

[Not Much Left]

Hey ladies and gents

Really debated starting a new one, decided that this stuff needs to slow down for me but also good to get it out here.

Current struggles
1. House issues - feel like I cant move on till I find the house, unfortanetly, as Sunny and Nomo have pointed out to me, I am too picky...about women and apparently houses and most likely everything else. Great, something else to work on
2. I named this Have I Done Everythin...No! because as those who have followed me, it is clearly not true. For anyone new reading, I did not implement the full LRT method, dont know if would have worked or will, just saying after 9 mos I am still in "habit" mode of being around, interacting with W blah blah blah. Again, without my own home, unlikely to change so...
3. Take WC to Xmas dinner or not? My colleagues have no problem with it so why should I? I dont know, but its bothering me.
4. Kids...homework at our house is becoming a big issue and it will only get harder apart. or will it? My W and I have really never agreed on how this stuff goes so we continue to struggle with it like this weekend. Almost a real "fight" about it..Ugh. Mostly because W was basically blaming me, and I am not taking it out of context, for not helping...no ducks back, I fought back...crap.
5. Kids...attitude - W told me S10 is giving her attitude. I asked for specifics and she says "all the time, because of what is going on..." First time she has ever aknowledged to me at least that this is having an impact and my first time seeing a bit of her realization that everything is not going to be fine.

What to do on all this. Input welcome. Just really CVA spew for the most part though.

Your pal in DBing
C

[SirPrizeMe]

My S12 started giving me attitude, after I had left the house.

I had a man-to-man talk with him, explained to him that though I do not live in the house with him, I am still his father and will always remain so. And I told him it's not ok for him to treat me like an enemy. I told him I was sorry for the situation, I understand it may not be what he wants, and maybe he is not even sure what to think sometimes. I empathized with all of that. I told him I knew it was a hard thing for him. Despite that, I told him, he still had to treat people with respect and that includes treating me with respect.

Maybe your S10 is ready for that kind of talk?

[Heimlich]

I miss your old thread titles, sigh. Oh well, this'll probably be more productive.

So, are you too picky on a house or just making excuses for not buying one by finding fault with everything? Otherwise, no house is going to be perfect. That said, no sense in settling on something you're not going to be happy in either.

As I've said before, I think the LRT is about the only thing you've got to work with now. Might get your W to notice your absence AND give you space/sanity for yourself.

Take WC to Xmas dinner or not? My colleagues have no problem with it so why should I? I dont know, but its bothering me.

If it's bothering you, probably not a good idea. Why do you want to take her? Are you really ready to date someone else -- low key or not? Are you doing this just to attract your W's attention and feeling guilty for doing that?

I find patience and the occassional swift kick in the rear is the necessary combo to get my girls to do their homework. Is this something that the two of you can sit down and discuss? Hear her out for her ideas and really think about whether or not they are good ideas, and work for your kids, even if they're different from YOUR ideas. When you get a house, consistency in what is expected of the kids homework wise will be a good thing. Also, if she was blaming you and you have been helping, no harm in standing up for yourself. No need to let it get heated though.

Hey, your W poked her head up and admitted to the reality of the situation. That said, he's 10. As Sir said, a little heart to heart about respect and treating his Mom with respect regardless of what's going on between mom and dad probably a good thing. My oldest being pig-headed stubborn, I find myself doing this weekly it seems regarding her behavior towards her sister.

Oh, and start trying to be more positive. You've got a way of subtly undercutting yourself when you post. Stop it. You're a good guy, worthy of the love of a good woman. Question for you: Is a good woman liable to want to stay with someone always turning the negative onto himself?

BD

[Not Much Left]

SPM and H
Thanks for your thoughts.
Yes, I had a chat with him immediately and he understands. I guess I was pointing out that this is the only time I have heard W acknowledge any of this other than her saying in the beginning the kids need to go to counseling which she really never followed through on, other than a few times. As soon as D11 pushed back, she stopped trying to take her. And I guess assumed the boys were fine based on what C said. Not sure I believed in it anyway (just my opinion and unlikely to change it..).

Still not sure on the dinner thing...

C

[Not Much Left]

That post may be the worst grammar in the world, sorry! FYI, I never think about wordsmithing or spellcheck on this site, stream of conciousness...for GD and Nomo I know it is painful. Trust me, I am a stickler for detail, just not here for some reason.

[new_attitude]

Hi CVA,

It's funny that I was just thinking yesterday (while catching up on your last thread) that you should try LRT. What have you got to lose? If you're still in the same pattern of visiting the house every night, giving back rubs, etc, then I think you should stop and try something else.

Since you're still questioning whether to take WC to the Xmas dinner/party, I would suggest not doing it.

Good move talking to your S right away about his attitude. If you let him know that he can't talk to his mom that way, then hopefully you score on 2 fronts (with a better-disciplined s and a grateful w).

[Not Much Left]

Hey NA!
Thanks for that, good to hear from u again

C

[Nomopo]

Hi CVA - bookmarked the new thread. Had some thoughts on some posts you had late last week, but was out of town as you know. Closing a deal Friday, so precious little time. Hope you're well. Will catch up soon.

Nomo

[Not Much Left]

Thanks Nomo, look forward to pain as I get slapped around! Just kidding, talk to you later.
C

[ewe]

Hi CVA!

Got any space for another hijack? JK

Just stopping by. Will keep an eye on you.

Ewe