If you remember from my earlier thread (I'm in Agony Here...), I was struggling with my wife's LD and trying to get to the bottom of it. Many of you suggested that my wife might be having an affair. I dismissed that, and decided that it was menopause, work stress, etc., etc.
You were right. I was wrong. It's an emotional affair. No sex, but there might as well be...it feels just as devastating.
I'm currently staying at my best friend's house. Last night I stumbled upon her private little cache of emails on my best friend's computer.
I can't describe how I feel. I feel like I could just die right now.
Any words of encouragement you can give me will help. I'm trying to take one minute, one hour at a time. But it's hard...
HI, B50.
I will give you some cursory pointers, but I don't think I have the time to really do your case justice right now. Sorry.
My style of dealing with affairs differs somewhat from the DB approach, but it still integrates pretty well with it in dealing with ongoing affairs. I like to aggressively get affairs ended ASAP, then deal with the clean up.
First rule, never leave your home. You don't move out, she does if anyone is to leave.
Second rule, she is capable of anything, including having you thrown in jail, or filling false charges against you in court to have you removed. There is almost never a penalty for false accusations against men. False accusations are simply dismissed with a wink and a nod by the judicial system.
With that in mind, gather your evidence before you confront her, expose to her parents, your parents and children (in an age appropriate way) as close as possible to the same time that you confront her with the evidence.
Do NOT help her keep her nasty little secret. If her relationship with the other man was so wonderful, why is she keeping it secret? The fact is, fantasies die fast when the light of truth is shined upon them.
Don't waste your time on marital counseling before you are certain the affair has ended, and a month has passed before you do, otherwise you are wasting your money as she will be mostly unreachable.
Stop being reactionary immediately. Drop all your anger. Stop all begging and pleading. Dress well, smell good. Don't allow yourself to drop into a depression. Do NOT behave in needy, grabby, placating behavior. Basically man-up.
Oh, and finally, don't believe ANYTHING she says. All cheaters lie. Period. You can't have one without the other. Also, don't believe that it wasn't physical. For now, just assume that it was. It will help you later on.
Please let me know if you think you can do all that.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
