From my experience, I would say your feelings are very normal. We as the LBS have great feelings of loss rejection, uncapatibility, low self esteem, etc.... Try to recognize that it is these feelings and emotions that are guiding your thoughts right now. We get hyper sensitive to the emotions as we navigate this process called DBing. We focus on baby steps and every little positive we can find to keep our PMA as high as possible. As we transition to piecing we have a belief things should proceed relatively smoothly. We also perceive the WAS should have a light come on and see things as we do.
A key point to remember is the DBer has commited to learning about themselves, relationships and identifying things about their spouse, good and bad. In essence we are way further ahead in our progression toward a building mutual and loving relationship skills. This is why we get frustrated in piecing. We expect our efforts to simply flow over to our spouses. The reality is they don't. The spouse needs to make their own discoveries about themselves. Also keep in mind in your situation, your spouse left because of you. I'm not justifying his action, just reminding you of his mind set. He justified his action months ago. He now sees change and is again very interested in YOU. COOL!
Your challenge now is to get him in the sle fdiagnosis mode that you went through. I suggest reading DB / DR again, only this time you will find you are focusing on a different aspect from the Michelle. I think as you re-read you will recognize yourself as more of a coach in the ways you approach issue with your H, instead of focusing on yourself. Michelle gives tips to instigat a behavioral change from our spouses. This is where you are now.
You've done your work on you, now your task is to bring your H around to see what he has contributed to bring himself justification to become a WAS. To get him to recognize the triggers that led you in a direction to become P/A.
Reread the books, see if they carry a different meaning to you this time, develop a strategy to identify then seek solutions to the issues you uncover. Be sure to get your H's involvement on this. Get him to buy into the process before requiring him to do so.
I think you are experiencing many normal feelings and emotions. Piecing will do that. Our concentrations have been in a different direction and focused for os long, it takes some time and effort to switch gears, but I know you are up to the task!!
