1. Her main reason for moving back in was to spend some time here and see if her "feelings" change and then she might would know whether or not it could work. She has cried every day that she has been here and did not discuss that with me. She is still keeping her emotional wall up. Also, about the only effort that she has and is willing to put forth is to just be here. She is not willing to talk about our needs and how we can work on fulfilling them. She says that she does not know what her needs are and thus cannot tell me. She says that it just does not feel natural to her and that it feels forced. She says that she feels smothered and does not know what it is that she is supposed to do and she does not know what she wants me to do. She still does not want to to couples MC for now. She is still unsure if she can do this or not. She feels like crap and it is hard to live with.
I can tell you right now the outcome of this would be. It's a self fullfilling prophecy. In the end she'll just say, see, I feel nothing, we are over. I went through the same thing with my W before I was "forced" to move out. I heard the same things such as, "I'm not feeling it", "It feels forced", "I'm just not getting any of the feelings back", "I'm just pretending", "I feel smothered".
Love is a choice. Feelings don't come back if she just sit there and hoping it falls in her lap. You both have to make a concious effort in order for them to come back and she's no where near there yet. If you read the DB book, it says it would take 1 month or more per year you are married. A few days or month will do absolutely nothing. Especially when she's doing temperature check every single day.
What you should do is 1. stop pressuring her, 2. stop talking about R. 3. Give her space and time. 4. GAL, do something fun for you and take care yourself. 5. See if she's interested in doing fun stuff if at all. As anything fun between the you two will contribute to healing. But don't pressure her if she doesn't want to.
The more you are on her the more smothered and pressured she will feel and the faster she'll run the other way. You are driving her away. You are contributing to making her miserable and making it easier for her to point fingers at you. Don't worry about what she can/will do. You have no control over that. You can only control yourself.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
