WHO is this man, I don't understand what is going on here. There was absolutely no talk like h said there was to be done today. Not that I am complaining about it.
You handled that day very well; good job!
This is part of what is 'normal.' In the first weeks after the bomb Sweetheart cycled rapidly, sometimes it was merely mood changes, but he also changed his mind--wanting me, wanting OW. They worked together and she was fired and he feared he'd never see her again. It was that Friday or probably the Friday a week later when he told me he had changed his mind but didn't know how to tell his parents. We went biking, she called while we were out--on his cell. So his mind shifted again. But there were periodically these good weeks or few days. Things were never back to normal--they were confusing, but normal for him was more distant--he's clingy, but not touchy feely. Well, he was still clingy, but we had sex a lot--and it was great sex! His hormones that were all over the place for the OW were projecting to me too.
I remember coming here to the board and asking what was wrong. I said I dind't trust it--not that I didn't trust him, he was too confused for trust or a lacxk thereof. But things felt so good and I just KNEW it didn't mean things were getting better. It was thrilling because it gave me reassurrance for the future, but scary because it left things without answers for the present.
IT comes down t these things are not to be understood. They happen and there is often no logical sense to them. When they are going well, go with that flow. All moments are DB moments, but these are really great times because he will be viewing your DB'ing positively.
At other times you will properly DB, but he may not like it--they aren't fond of boundaries. So understand the reactions you will receive may not always SEEM positive.
Maybe he's already being different today, maybe he's still being nice--and it is fine that it is because of guilt. Go with that flow and enjoy it.
Think about the definition of Act as if. There is a misconception that it is another way of saying Fake it til you make it. Though another valid technique, they are different.
Acting as if is about expectations. If you are expecting certain moods and behaviours, you are likely to react to them before they happen--and may actually cause the behaviours you expected because the person then reacts to you.
Ex. You expect him to come home angry, so you are irritated and defensive. He walks in the door and before you can tell whether he is angry, you treat him as though he is. He then reacts to your anger or frustration or whatever it is your being with anger. Then you think your prediction was right--he was angry when he came home.
Maybe he will come home angry, maybe not. By acting as if he will be happy, you will greet him and treat him as though he is happy. Maybe he will be happy becaue of this, maybe he already was and his joy will continue, maybe he was angry, but your unexpected treatment made a difference in how he felt, or maybe he will still be angry.
This is also different than when we say expect nothing. That is not about day-to-day moods, but expectation for a larger portion. If he moves and returns prematurely, expect he may or may not leave again--everything and nothing.
FOcus on yourself and choose joy; it is contagious and he will notice.
