Okay DomR (and Cemar), you baited me into replying to you even though I was going to take a break. I think you have me confused with somebody else. I did make the statement once that I thought I should take a little break, but I never did. You can look back on my post and see where I have sent somebody a post every day. They were not under my thread, but I was here on the board every day except a couple when I was sick early back in the very beginning when I first came aboard. So, I don't know what you are calling my downward spiral when I was off the board for two weeks b/c I have never been off the board for two weeks since I first arrived!
Aslo, you have made a reference to my "honeymoon" period with my H and wanted to know what happen to that. You were the one that assumed all of the honeymoon stuff when I told you we were getting along better and would kiss and say ILY. I looked back over the posts to make sure about the before I decided to respond to this. I even tried to tell you that if I led you to believe that it was more than what it was, that I was sorry b/c I had not meant to do that. I only wanted you to know that we were nicer to each other and were at least kissing good-bye and at times saying a light-heart ILY. When I read you post about that, you were the one that was all excited over it like we had really accomplished something. I agree that it was an improvement, but it was certainly far from any honeymoon period!
As I looked back over the thread and read your posts to me, I saw where you questioned me very often and very detailed about what happened since the "honeymoon period". I figured you just read more into it than what it was, so I tried to let it slide.
I'm going to say something and I hope you will take it the right way. I have considered you a friend and I know you put a lot of time and thought into what you tell people on the board. I have appreciated the fact that you are concerned in my stitch enough to try to work with me about it. But, at times you have been too......how shall I say this?........detailed? I felt like you were trying to pick me apart. I didn't know how to answer some of your questions and you wouldn't let it rest. You wouldn't leave it alone and would keep pressing me about it. Sometimes the frustration just got too much, so I would stay off my own thread and just read others and try to post to other people. You found me there and sent me a post (almost scolding me) and when I replied.....then you tell me it belongs over on my thread and not their's.
I did appreciate you trying to encourage me to set goals and to think about what I wanted from my H and what I needed to do, etc., but Dom, you just can't keep pushing and pushing people to do things in your time frame. This is not your stitch and you don't know everything that is going on. Believe it or not...I don't reveal everything! I realize that I seem to be putting off doing anything about the MR.....I know that....and I am trying to deal with all of it. Between you and Cemar telling me it is my responsibility to make the first move and that I am the one that needs to be doing the work, and my poor husband, etc., etc., etc.,....... that was why I was going to take a break from the board. Because I couldn't deal with all that right now. I am trying to deal with my depression (and my Husband's moods) and my emotions and the fact that my kids won't have Christmas and their health problems and things like that, that seems a little more pressing than following your assignments to the letter---or trying to jack my low sex drive up to a high sex drive b/c compaionship is not what men are looking for, they just want sex.....according to Cemar.
Last night when I was trying to post, I was so tore up and confused and didn't know how I felt about anything. That is why I said I need to take a break from all of this. Then you tell me the last time I took a break I was headed for another OM, which is totally incorrect. That is why I said you must have me confused with another thread. Because I never took a break (like I planned) and I wasn't looking for another man.
You have accused me of assuming things about my H, but you both have assumed things about me also. You have also been wrong about those assumptions. Cemar, you think you know my H so well, when all you are doing is thinking about youself. You are thinking of your W when you are talking to me and thinking of yourself when you are speaking of my H. It is so obvious!
Dom, you asked me what would make me feel better? That I should do something rather than do nothing at all. Well, a few months ago walking away from my marriage would have made me feel a whole lot better.......do you think that would have been the wise thing to do? Just b/c I made the decision to stay in a dead M does not mean that I automatically have the desire for my H. It does not mean that I have the "want to" or the energy to "work" on the R when I am so depressed and struggling with other things in my life that I can't think right now. On top of all that, the temptation to contact the OM never completely stopped.....even after the three month mark. I lived for that anniversay thinking it would be all over and I would be free from the grieving of "what may have been"....well, I'm not free of it. It still haunts me. So, I'm dealing with that. I know, that makes me a bad wife! My poor husband, blah, blah, blah. We all know he is perfect, never did a thing wrong in all our married life and I'm the bad guy.
Well, that is why I said that I needed to get away from all of this for a few days. It is just getting a bit much to tollerate. I need encouragement.......not more pressure in my life.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
