Pregnant and abandoned #3

[blindsided1]

Today has been really depressing so far. I start to go down the list of "he doesn't love me", "if he cared about me he would call", "why did he leave me", "i miss him". It feels like every morning I wake up and he isn't there and I feel hopeless. I just feel hopeless. So, I've been crying this morning and sad at the fact that I feel like I don't mean anything to him. How could he just toss me and our family aside? How could he? I hate the idea of him and OW. I'm just really sad and I want to call him so bad, but I won't. Sometimes I feel like we are both waiting the other one out. Why couldn't he just love me enough? See, yesterday started out sad and it got better, then ended sad. Today started sad and who knows where it will go. I miss him so much. Some days the pain is almost unbearable. Today is one of those days. How is it that I can't stay consistant? How is it that I can feel really confident one day and the next I feel week and lonely and full of sorrow. I just pray that today gets better.

[blindsided1]

Great the day just gets worse. He texts me earlier and it was fine until he starts talking about the separations papers and why doesn't he have them yet. And, did I really file or did I just take him money? It hurt me that he thought I would steal from him. And, I told him so. Then he just ignored my texts like I mean nothing. Again, he has just treated my feelings like they don't even matter. It hurts so bad that he can just ignore me. That he doesn't even care enough to resolve anything. I feel like I mean nothing.

[Startingover2]

He only does what you allow him to do. You are allowing him to get to you. You are allowing all of this. Why did you engage in text conversation? Keep it short and simple. He wants the D let him go do the work. You keep out of it. When he stopped texting you felt rejected and he took the power back. You say he doesn't care about your feelings......he doesn't.


Don't reply to his texts. It doesn't change anything. Baby is not here yet. Really is no need to discuss anything with him.

[blindsided1]

You're right. He left me feeling rejected because I let him. It just gets me so down because I start to feel very insignificant. I know that I am doing that to myself. I feel better now. I'm getting ready to go to a party with a friend so that should occupy my thoughts for some time. I just get so discouraged that I can feel so good one minute and let him get to me and ruin my day the next. He's a very cruel person, sometimes I wonder why I even want him to come home.

[blindsided1]

Good morning. Well, even though yesterday started our sad, it ended ok. I went to a party with my girlfriend, lots of single men. But, not ready for that and I'm pregnant, duh. Came home and the H called. I talked to him. Stupid, I know. I started thinking about the fact that he can talk to me, when he wants, he can pretty much see me when he wants, he still talks about sex to me. And, I thought..."why would he want to come home? He has his new life AND he has his old life when he needs it." I sometimes think that if I'm friendly with him, he'll see the mistake he made and come home. But, I don't think that is the case. I really don't think he misses me. And, why would he, he has me. I want to have the strength to break free. I do. But, I just keep letting myself down. I so want to be a part of his life that I am willing to take what little part he is giving me. And, it leaves me feeling pretty crappy in the end. So, why can't I just walk away, why can't I RUN away? Why is it so hard for me to let him go? Do I let him go, especially now right before the holidays? I'm having a hard time with this one. I'm good at not calling him. I'm good at GAL (I think). I don't say ILY. I don't pursue him. I do a lot of the LRT's. But, when he calls and we talk, am I not suppose to build that connection with him?

He keeps asking me about other men. He keeps asking if I have slept with anyone. When I go out, he always asks with who. Sometimes I tell him with who and other times I tell him not to ask me those things. He asked me if I met anyone at my party last night. I said I met lots of people and left it at that. Am I truly doing harm by talking to him? Sometimes I feel like I am and other times I feel like it's good for us to communicate. And, I have to admit, when he asks me about other men, it gives me some reassurance (even if it is false) that he still cares. Imput needed please. I can't always see the forest for the trees.

[blindsided1]

Theres a plus about today. It was relatively sorrow free. There were some moments, but as soon as they started, I made myself stop thinking about it. So far, so good. Hopefully, the rest of the evening will be as good if not better. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

[blindsided1]

What do you do when you feel hopeless? I am feeling like that today. He's off in his new life with OW. I'm home alone pregnant. I just don't see it. I don't want to lose hope. But, there are days when I just don't feel like it will ever happen. I guess I am still expecting too much from him. I'm still trying to guess how he is feeling and I always tend to move towards the negative. I started thinking back to when this all started and how depressed he was because he said that he didn't know what to do. He had a choice to make and he didn't know if it was to be with me or with OW. He chose OW. I am trying to let that go, but it's really hard when he chose that life over his family and his first child that isn't even born yet. It makes me hate him for doing this and I start to wonder if this damage could ever be repaired. I just feel a little hopeless today that he'll never come home and I am not ready to accept that.

[blindsided1]

What do you do when you feel hopeless? I am feeling like that today. He's off in his new life with OW. I'm home alone pregnant. I just don't see it. I don't want to lose hope. But, there are days when I just don't feel like it will ever happen. I guess I am still expecting too much from him. I'm still trying to guess how he is feeling and I always tend to move towards the negative. I started thinking back to when this all started and how depressed he was because he said that he didn't know what to do. He had a choice to make and he didn't know if it was to be with me or with OW. He chose OW. I am trying to let that go, but it's really hard when he chose that life over his family and his first child that isn't even born yet. It makes me hate him for doing this and I start to wonder if this damage could ever be repaired. I just feel a little hopeless today that he'll never come home and I am not ready to accept that.

[blindsided1]

What do you do when you feel hopeless? I am feeling like that today. He's off in his new life with OW. I'm home alone pregnant. I just don't see it. I don't want to lose hope. But, there are days when I just don't feel like it will ever happen. I guess I am still expecting too much from him. I'm still trying to guess how he is feeling and I always tend to move towards the negative. I started thinking back to when this all started and how depressed he was because he said that he didn't know what to do. He had a choice to make and he didn't know if it was to be with me or with OW. He chose OW. I am trying to let that go, but it's really hard when he chose that life over his family and his first child that isn't even born yet. It makes me hate him for doing this and I start to wonder if this damage could ever be repaired. I just feel a little hopeless today that he'll never come home and I am not ready to accept that.

[blindsided1]

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