I've been over and over this one too. It's kind of chicken or the egg thing. Did I become this person because of how you treated me or were you treating me this way because of the person I became?
Does it even matter? I'm finding it far more important to love my W and treat her in the way that she needs to be, independent of how she acts or behaves. Guess what - The more I give my W the love and attention she needs, the more I get from her what I need to. Seems to work out much better than the way things used to be.
So, rather than trying to understand how or why things got to this point, why not try to put it aside and if possible, be the way you want to be with your spouse - Sure, maybe we don't have all the freedom we used to with them, but if they're at least around us for a while we can work on it.
