I read yur sit. Looking like a lot of baby steps. You will grow from this for certain. I agree with Wooglint..detach and give W space. We can't argue it into or out of it.
One thing I may mention-- your W is defensive when you say things to her that make her feel like you are better than her. Maybe the next time, instead of reading her the riot act can you..validate. Like a her best girl friend. And it seems like it works if you say..wow I can see where you are coming from but I am a little surpised or disappointed you feel x. It seems that she reacts to words like disappointed or wow or surprised.
happy, you are right about the results i get when i read w the riot act. thanks for the insight. just a note, wife came home from christmas party early morning. i came home from church and asked how the party was. she said oh it was all right. seemed pretty down this morning. pray that day will some positive results. baby steps!!!
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
happy, i went to church yesterday, that is what i did for myself. i was not able to validate anything my w said over the weekend. she was very unhappy yesterday. absolutely miserable. truthfully did not want to be around her. i do not think she had such a great time at her work christmas party. something must have happened. who knows. her mood did not affect mine. there is a battle raging in her, that i can tell. she is so antsy, she was never like this before. spent most of last night in her room. did not say good night or much of anything else.as woog says we are just living in their world. she is not ready to look into her self , that is obvious. the next few weeks will be interesting.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Stay positive. Do something for yourself everyday. Buy yourself a holiday gift. Do something completely new. Avoid the little black cloud and have a good time for the next few weeks. I know its easier said than done, but try hard. Take the kids to dinner, a movie or something.
Woog and I will be interested to see what something new you do! There is a great website called 43things.com. People log all the things they want to try.
I keep this site as my Life List record--that way I can focus on something new, and myself.
you guys are right, i just bookmarked website so i can visit it at home. i have been ignoring my self for many years. my focus has always put family first. i am guilty. i have been focusing my self more on my christian faith the last 8weeks. without God in my life i would be having a much harder time. w is like a trapped animal in our house. i believe she will move out on schedule,end of dec. part of me will welcome it. alot of tension and stress when she is at home.plus i think this is part of the waw process. she needs to miss me.she cannot when she sees me. i am a constant reminder of her unhappiness. she wants to runaway.if we did not have kids, she would already been have gone. she is in real turmoil, it is hard to see her in such pain. i wish i could alleviate it. i know it is part of the process. woog, i have been reading your sitch since your first post, your w is proceeding down the same path as my w. further distancing herself. so weird to watch the process . the longer i am embroiled in this , the more i can see how patience and gal are a must. i will prevail though. i love my wife.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
In some ways I think the WAW process is similar to the one we are trying to follow. Think of it as their version of detaching and going dark. Except they can do it with anger and hurt. They need to detach from us as well in order to make themselves feel better about what they are doing.
woog, how is your wife interacting with your children?
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
