WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..(2)

[COG]

Jab,

I think you're doing a great job DBng. Your W is settling down because YOU are not fighting her. If you were crying, begging to stay, pleading with her, defending your past, trying to fix her, accusing HER of an A, believe me she would be in a very different world right now.

Regarding the phone bill. Maybe she was in a fantasy state about having an A and her seeing that phone bill might have snapped her right out of the dream and back in to reality. One thing for sure, you'll know eventually if she's having an ongoing affair. She won't be able to hide it forever so it's not necessary to snoop for it.

The new apartment will be exciting for the kids, but reality is going to set in when they are at your house missing mom, or vice versa. Be prepared to empower them, listen to their frustrations and validate. I know they're very young but they can speak clearly if you'll listen. It's a good time to teach THEM how to pray.

W continues being talkative about work. Seems cheerful. No intimacy at all though which hurts. She now seems uncomfortable looking at me when getting in shower and vice versa. At least I notice it now, it might have been that way for awhile but we rarely pass each other in bathroom lately.

That's pretty typical Jab. Unfortunately, that's one of the toughest fallout's of the breakup, especially for men.

I don't want this to be an ending to our R/M, but a new beginning

That's is exactly what you have my friend. There's no going back. The old M is dead though, so you might as well bury it. It's done, over, dead forever. It didn't work. The only way to stay together now is in something brand new.

Sorry but here comes a 2x4

I'm just going to keep the OM/A info to myself for now, even my mother suggested that!

Your mother????????? Are you kidding me? You told you mommy that your W might be having an A? Bad move. You do need a C. Find a good C to discuss your personal business with and keep your extended family OUT of it. It'll just come back to haunt you. Here's a very important rule along those lines. DO NOT ENLIST FRIENDS OR FAMILY TO HELP YOU. A good C yes, you mom NEVER!

This is a very private repositioning between you and your W. Mostly having to do with YOUR bad behaivior. This needs to stay private, loving, honoring, and respecting your W. Your family should know where YOU are living, what YOU are doing, etc., but do not discuss details or stratedgies with them. It's very private. You'll be protecting your future R from unnecessary resentments from your family.

But, it will be quite the place for my friends to hang out and watch movies, play video games, listen to music, all the guy stuff that I have been missing out on for the past couple of years......I have alot of old friends coming 'out of the woodwork' that want to visit me there and hang out.

This sounds like the desires of a little boy. Possibly attractive to a young girl, but most likely not a grown woman. Kid's "hang out", grown ups use precious time to find new dimensions.

You're on the right track, but you still have much growing up to do. Best pray about it. Ask God what He wants you to do. I'm especially concerned about the company you keep. You'll learn in AA that the company you keep is one of the most important choices you'll make.

God Bless,

COG