I wear my wedding ring as a symbol that I want my marriage.
On the other hand, she has not worn hers for a couple months now. She gave them as a symbol of her love for me, which does not have now. Seems to me this is a good sign to show her I am moving on.
My thought was that I could take it off when picking up 5D for church and also tell WAW that I would get belongings later. It could be a very clear I am moving on and getting my crap together. The way she is acting I need to do this one day anyhow.
jmw, First off, I hope you are alright. I want to tell you that I feel your pain. It doesn't look like you got much sleep last night. The whole wedding ring thing is all BS in my opinion. YOU NEED TO DETACH and quick....with or without the ring. You have to do something to get your mind off yiur WAW for your own sake!
Get out today and do something on your own. Don't worry about the ring. Do what feels best. Detach and GAL. She figure out she likes the new you and come back if its meant to be.
Well, I have shown her I am detached again today. Picked up 5D, WAW seemed really down. She talked about some puppies that have been coming in the yard. Then as I was leaving, she followed me out in the yard presumably to watch the dog she could've just called inside, I said, "oh by the way, I keep forgetting to tell you I've had a phone for about a month and the number is blah blah when you want to talk to 5D." She seemed surprised. Then she initiated a conversation regarding finances. Part of this was about cell phone bills. And the other part of which was about 5D medical insurance she pays. I said we would need to look into this because she is asking for money that I have been taxed upon, whereas WAW's portion is pretaxed. I also mentioned that perhaps we could swap insurances every other year or something. I then got to spin it into my excitement of looking into online jobs and may just get a different better insurance for 5D. She specifically mentioned a good company. I then mentioned a rebate that suppose to be mine but will be sent to her and 5D lunches I've been paying to subtract from top. Then she repeated about cell phone and then said she did not have any money again this month and has not paid the rent yet. Missed a great chance to empathize with her. Because of double billing that occurred, she mentioned it again how we both used up all our minutes...and I said, "yeah that was sick of me to do that, I am done with that." This really validates her feeling that I am sick and the way I said it really showed that I was done hurting, calling friends over her, especially when she knows for last 2-3 weeks I have not. But I did feel for her because of her rent sitch, so, I left her a voice mail about an hour later to suggested she pay for next months lunches for 5D(avoiding all this subtracting junk), and I would just send the money by check, wire-transfer, whatever,...hope you have a good day. Probably should not have done that but no harm.
GAL 1) Went to church this morning only to come home and see that my best fishing pole and 3 tackle boxes were gone. At least $1000 gone. 2) Family get together this afternoon was fun. I was not feeling well after church and mainly relaxed. 3) Very hard to find something to do in very rural area. Heck the dance class won't start back up until after New year's that started thanksgiving. Perhaps, find bigger church and do something there. 4) Really thinking getting a new job would help. Beyond my interview Monday, I am going to work toward this goal. I'd love an online job and be able to farm a bit.
Gonna focus on #4, 5D, and really just leave her and anyone she knows alone. Next time I have to see her is 24th. Like you said if she wants to look, she will. Let her go, if she comes back I always had her, if she doesn't I never did.
After some thought regarding conversation with WAW when picking up 5D,
Positives 1) She was really down, I don't think this has anything to do with 5D going to be with me for next 4 days. Don't really think it has anything to do with me either. 2) She shared some unnecessary things with me, roaming puppies, lack of money, etc... 3) I got a few chances to show moving on/acceptance, such as giving her phone number to land line, looking into new job, paying for 5D medical insurance every other year, ... 4) I got to say it was ,"That was just sick, not doing that anymore" emphatically in regards to overage on cell minutes. This validates her feeling that I am sick, but it also says I am done. She knows I am not calling people anymore. 5) Her financial sitch is not good. 6) No talk about D. 7) No talk about R. 8) Although she has x-mas tree up, it is no where near decorated and thus makes it clear she is just not happy. 9) I was confident and strong showing a content person and certainly not in the least bit pursuing or needy, etc... 10) I have no reason to make contact or see WAW until 24th...thus giving basically a month of darkness, where I have the next 2 weekends without 5D, with this one pickup mixed in.
Negatives 1) Missed opportunity to say something like, "I am sorry to hear that" when she talked about lack of rent money. 2) Talked to much about us both getting separated bills for same thing. This did open more conversation but it was repetitive. 3) No talk about R.
Undecided 1) I did not mention getting more stuff. If I do, I will give her less notice and do it Saturday. However, I do not exactly want reminders of her around. So, I might just get it and sell it. 2) Stuff was missing from boat when I came home from church. If I tell WAW, she will just worry about 5D. If I don't she will probably find out and it will be worse. Things like that happen in the country when you leave your stuff out, but ...
You have to do something to get your mind off yiur WAW for your own sake!
I'd like some suggestions. I live in a very rural area. So, simple things like movies are out. New job opps are limited at best. In short, I find it difficult to do anything, much less 'different'. Although I am sleeping well, I am tired of waking up with WAW on my mind. It's easy to not call WAW or anyone she knows. Not as simple to find something to do. Even friends/family that would like to do something, shake there head like their is nothing to do. Only thing I can do is be a great father to 5D, this is working out great, but it does not fulfill the void of WAW or the time w/o 5D.
You could take up some hobbies. Things that you can do around the house. Take up wood working. Build a model. Restore an old car or motorcycle. Learn to knit. Is there something that you always wanted to go but never had the chance to do? If so, then now is your chance to do it. GAL doesn't necessarily mean that you have to go out all the time. I think most people do though since it's good to get out of the house. Do you go to church? Most church's have lots activities that you can get involved in. I'm sure that you can find something to do...
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Thought about church and crochet an afghan for 5D. Restore vehicles, etc..is out due to lack of funds. Reluctant to crochet or solo activities because they leave one lonely.
I'm finally going to teach myself how to tie flies. Been fly fishing for years and always wanted to learn. Never had the time since I spent all my time with the W and kids.
Come January I figure to have my evenings free most of the time.
Is there something that you always wanted to go but never had the chance to do? If so, then now is your chance to do it. GAL doesn't necessarily mean that you have to go out all the time. I think most people do though since it's good to get out of the house. Do you go to church? Most church's have lots activities that you can get involved in. I'm sure that you can find something to do...