Adventures of Supermom...JennyF's 2nd thread

[lizzy]

Good job getting up the tree Jenny. I know it wasn't easy. I only put handmade ornaments and a collection of glass snowman and santas that I have on our tree yesterday. I am supposed to put up another tree in the living room and all the "memory" ornaments will go on there. That will probably be harder so I'll be sure to get Kleenex.

Try not to analyze why H is being nice. (Yeah, like I never do that.) Something may have gotten through that MLC brain of mush. Maybe he just realized that you are a lot stronger than he thought. Stay strong Supermom!

[JennyF]

Weird day today.

I was expecting H to come over after his hockey game to put up the X-mas lights and see the kids.
He calls at 12:15 or so saying he's on his way. Asks if I want something to eat...I say sure. I knows he back in being nice mode, but I wasn't expecting that.
He gets here in time to put D down for her nap. Then we ate our subs and discussed X-mas gifts for the kids.
Then we talked again about gifts for his Mom and sisters. After a long discussion we decided to buy them gifts from D & S to avoid doubling on presents from him and presents from me. Good compromise!!

We also agreed that he would come over on Christmas morning really early to spend the morning with the kids and watch D open her presents from Santa. I was glad. It will be weird....but in some ways I will be glad to have my little family together on Christmas morning even if it is under false pretenses.

After some other small talk I made myself busy around the house while he slept on the couch with S. (not exactly rushing to get those lights up!).

I asked him if he wanted to have dinner with us. Over the last 7 wks since H was born he will not eat with us. He would be here, but just watch D and I eat and never join us even if I asked (which I had stopped doing). Today he accepted the offer. The only thing he did was sit in a different chair than he normally would have when he was here. It was nice though.

Funny thing...and a little awkard to mention. He was beginning to give D her bath and called down to me to come up in a hurry. He asked me to watch D in the tub and he RAN to washroom....for the second time within about 1/2 hour.
Now I'm not trying to give EVERY detail of my day here....but this interesting because during the last couple months before bomb drop H was CONSTANTLY in the bathroom with a terrible stomach. (has anyone seen Dumb & Dumber? You get the picture). It was when he was trying to hide the affair and it was like it was concience working on him through his stomach and butt!
He was never one to have this problem, so I just thought it was interesting that it was and issue tonight. Concience getting to him again??

After D was in bed he stayed for about 45 minutes. All in all he was here for over 8 hrs. AND HE NEVER PUT THE X-MAS LIGHT UP!!! WTF??

He was sweet as pie the whole time. Only one minor moment of tension that I managed to fend off almost immediately.

I knew after our blow up the other day when I called him on what an angry a$$*^$e he'd been to me, that he was going to get nicer. But I wasn't expecting this.

I am NOT reading into it and I won't try to analyze it as Lizzy said. I don't believe it means his feelings are changing or he's having second thoughts. I know this is not the case. I know he wanted to spend time with the kids (and this was the longest amount of time he has spent with S since he was a week old).
I did catch him staring off into space a couple times and I wished I could read his mind (not the first time I've said that).
I have to say that I'm just glad that it is happening at all because I believe THIS is the environment necessary for ME to DB properly. This is where I need to get REALLY good at showing him my changes and being the best I can be. This is the environment where the seeds of doubt could be planted in his head and at least get the wheels turning.
I am going to go back and reread DR to make sure I am as ready as possible. Any words of wisdom from anyone is much appreciated. Anyone with experience on how their WAS may have been at a similar stage would be really helpful too!
I hope and pray this is the beginning of a NEW journey that is going to bring us back together. I'm ready!
J~

[lizzy]

Funny you should mention me Jenny. I did such a bad job of DBing today, I need to pull on the book too. I wanted to tell my H today what I thought of him. I hope your H is coming to his senses. It is funny when they say they will do something and don't. (I could make a list.) Now your H has an excuse to come over again.

[bhopeful]

Just a note on your Hs stomach issue. When my W first left I couldn't really eat anything and when I did it came out the other end pretty quickly. I think that your body gets used to not eating and can't handle when you throw a bunch of food at it. It could be your Hs guilt that's making him feel that way, but it could be something else too. Also, his guilt could be over how he treated you and not because of OW. Just some food for thought.

It sounds like you had a great day. Be consistent and I think that you'll have more days like that. It seemed like a switch flipped in my W and all of a sudden she wanted to start talking to me and being around me again. I was pretty wary of it for a week or two and still kind of am. Take it slow.

Peace,
B

[kml]

Hmmmm....or maybe you just put too much arsenic in his dinner????????

Ellie

[blindsided1]

I hope everything works out for you Jenny. It seems like you have a really good head on your shoulders and you really know how to DB. I suck at it. Did you ever lose hope? If so, what did you do? I am losing hope fast. I just don't feel like he will ever come home. How did you handle it?

[tmi]

Jenny, you sound like you're doing so well. That man will have to wake up to what a great woman you are soon.

If you're interested, there is likely a La Leche League group in your area - you can find information at http://www.lllc.ca It's an organization that's been around for over 50 years, trained volunteer moms helping other moms with breastfeeding information and support - and lots of support for other parenting questions too.

It sounds like you've found a good solution for sleep at the moment. I knew a mom some years ago that ended up having the car seat in her bed for a few months, because her son also would not sleep flat, but she still found it easier to just pull him over for night nursings rather than getting up. Some people also attach the crib to the side of their bed (after taking the drop side off) so the baby has his own space but is still easily accessed. With this arrangement, you'd also have room for your D for those nights that she needs you more often.

I'm glad to hear that you're napping with your little guy when you can. It's so easy for moms to just keep giving their all to everyone but themselves.

And congrats on the movement you're seeing from your H. It's almost the hardest part, when they come out for a little while but then withdraw again. It reminds us of why we're doing this but makes us miss that person even more when they're gone again.

[phbear316]

Jenny

So happy you had a great day on sunday. I think you h will be back to deal with the lights. just a gut feeling

Speaking of gut, my h is always in the bathroom for at least a half hr at a time, I know most of the time he is one the phone with her. As I say i will have the biggest belly laugh when he drops that darn phone in the toilet bowl.
I have noticed in the past when h has a lot of stress and lots on his mind, it takes a total on his system. H was in the bathroom numerous times yesterday. Could it be a coincidence from the talk on sat or just bad wedding food. I will never know..

Anyway glad you had a sweet day with H, just keep your guard up, he may cycle into mr mean again. Be prepared, for i am

((hugs))
bear

[peacetoday]

J
i agree , its important to let them see our changes
foundation building
I remember after H moved out in june and all summer, we had these really nice moments and psudo family time
It was important for me to put my DB in practice even though he wasnt here anymore
he seemed almost numb all summer..seemed happy
not till sept I noticed any depression
in fact I was concerned , he seemed too content in his new life
now, he looks depressed almost every time i see him
you learn as you go
peace

[JennyF]

lizzy

Now your H has an excuse to come over again.

He was here again tonight after bringing D home from preschool...still no lights! He's going to be here tomorrow night and if he doesn't do them then I'm putting them up myself on Wed. That'll look good on him!

Ingrid

Jenny, you sound like you're doing so well. That man will have to wake up to what a great woman you are soon.

Thank you so much, appreciate your kind words. I hope he wakes up soon too!!
Thanks also for the LLL info. Nursing is going quite well and S has a great sleep schedule going on. I put the car seat in his crib and he sleeps really well there. I only have to feed him once thru the night usually around 4am and he'll go right back to sleep in the seat until around 6 or 6:30, then I'll bring him in bed with me and he goes back to sleep for an hour or so until D wakes up. I am VERY lucky that both my kids are great sleepers.

bear...I think we could call it "guilt-arrhea"!!

peace

It was important for me to put my DB in practice even though he wasnt here anymore

I'm trying to focus on this the best I can. It is hard because we can't go completely dark with kids involved (especially because mine are so young). But I'm hoping that works to my advantage at some point.

H was here tonight and showed me the gift he bought for D from Santa. Skates and a helmut. They were so cute and little (they're hockey skates...yes, we are Canadian!!) He seemed excited about showing them to me. we shared a little smile together over them.
Nothing else new to report. Thanks everyone for stopping by!
J~